𝔩𝔬𝔳𝔢 | billie eilish

034

sunday - april 18, 2021

𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐬𝐨𝐧
𝐣𝐚𝐧𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝟖, 𝟏𝟏:𝟎𝟎𝐚𝐦
𝐥𝐨𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐬

She drew her terminating breath a little longer than seven days ago.

Our home is now occupied by no other person than me, and it is utterly blood-curdling to sense your body relax, about to fall asleep, when the house is resounding with unnerving sounds.

The sum of the hours I, in actual fact, rested at night in the last week isn't any higher than 20. Not even half of what is appropriate for my age.

After Savanna had passed, Billie perceived the importance of falling asleep beside me in the following night.

Only as we lay in bed, the scarring realization of what had transpired surged through the entirety of my body, and inevitable tears began cascading down my cheeks while I was pulled into her embrace of unselfish love.

She's the epitome of wifely devotion.

However, the unforeseen occurrence of another panic attack beyond endurance contributed to an even more negative change in my mental welfare; and it was so enervating that my eyelids fell shut shortly afterwards, only to be woken by night terrors once again.

I have to tolerate another week of having the entire house to myself before Ayron eventually moves in; from Miami back to LA, California.

Since my dad and I have always had a relationship without any manner of issues, I'm hopeful that we will treat each other just as equally as in all these previous years of living together.

In this present moment, Billie and I are seated on the freezing floor, right next to myriads of lockers. The hood of my hoodie is pulled over my streaky hair and my head is resting on her shoulders, my tired eyes shut.

The tiny corner of the school we are currently in is a spot hardly anyone ever spends their lunch break at, thus we're given the chance to be this close to each other.

"How'd you sleep last night, baby?" Billie raises her voice without any warning beforehand, stopping me from dozing off for a couple of seconds.

"Not enough, two hours maybe," I mumble and align my line of vision with hers.

"Did you eat and drink enough yesterday?" she wants to know and absentmindedly intertwines her fingers with mine.

"I'm basically starving, because I throw up everything I eat," I state further in an ashamed manner and laugh softly. "Unintentionally, just 'cause of all the distress, I guess."

"You didn't tell me," she remarks and I watch her content visage drop mildly. "When did that start, though?"

"Don't know, two or three days ago." I shrug my shoulders and avert my eyes rather quickly.

"Baby," she whispers, her lips pouting.

"I'm really not doing it intentionally, babes, I promise," I sigh and cup her cheeks with my palms. "I just gotta go to the bathroom real quick, I'll be back in a second, yeah?"

Billie then only nods, and I give her a peck prior to rising from the floor and heading towards the restroom.

I am revolted by the reflection of myself in the mirror, although I'm wearing modest clothes that don't emphasize my body shape.