𝔩𝔬𝔳𝔢 | billie eilish

039 | extra chapter! (2025)

trigger warning‼️
Suicide, death, severe self-harm mentions, panic attacks, dissociation

A/N:
wow. i'm honestly speechless. four years later and people are still finding and reading this book. i'm so amazed, genuinely. i thus thought, why not write an extra chapter. why not make you guys hurt even more? just kidding of course (maybe not, you'll see). why not give you guys a little something back :)
ayron's (ella's dad) pov. here we go. enjoy.
the moment he finds ella and the moments after.
2969 words

wednesday - january 1, 2025

𝐚𝐲𝐫𝐨𝐧 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐬𝐨𝐧
𝐟𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝟏𝟒, 𝟏𝟏:𝟏𝟖𝐩𝐦
𝐥𝐨𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐬

I sluggishly search around for the TV remote on our beige corduroy couch in the dark, since too much time has elapsed since someone last switched programs and the TV thus automatically shut itself off.

In lieu of of the remote I find my phone and switch it on to make use of the flashlight function, whose existence I wasn't cognizant of until Marlon one day became very irritated with me because I did not know it was a thing.

Marlon.

His birthday is today. And of course I didn't forget. I never did, never will. My heart shatters into a million pieces anew each year his birthday and death day near.

Half of my family has drawn their last breath.

My father was unintentionally shot in Miami when I was fifteen. My mother's overall state of health and dementia have deteriorated so greatly she does not recognize my face anymore.

And from this year on I am not only going to lament the tragic death of my son, who was not even a teenager yet, but also my ex-wife's demise.

Although it was her who harshly terminated our relationship and marriage, my love for her never ceased to exist. Not once. Not to this day.

And I was never angry with her for making me leave. Because I, to this day, do wish it would have been me who had lost his life in the accident, not Marlon.

Savanna had always suffered, was never able to cope with intense sentiments and secretly began abusing substances when her mental issues left her bed-ridden for days at a time.

But that never led to a loss of love. I took care of her in health and in sickness, before and during our marriage.

I lose myself in fond remembrances of us for a moment, of when we were young and naive and only saw each other in the ever expanding universe. We were blinded by the feeling of pure bliss we experienced whenever we were near each other, the feeling of being profoundly enamored from the bottom of ours hearts for the very first time.

Unfortunately, I was not by Ella's and Savanna's side when her stroke drastically changed their lives from one moment to the next.

I was aware of the fact that Savanna must have made our daughter block and delete my phone number, as Ella one day suddenly stopped replying to my messages without further explanation.

When Ella texted me again, I probably felt the most relief I have ever experienced, glad to know that she–or rather both of them–finally let me in to their lives again.

With the aid of my flashlight I promptly catch sight of the remote sticking out from beneath a pillow beside me.

I switch off the TV entirely, fold the gray fleece blanket that has been keeping my body warm for the past hours and make sure the pillows sit neatly on the couch.