𝔩𝔬𝔳𝔢 | billie eilish

029

thursday - march 25, 2021

𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐬𝐨𝐧
𝐧𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝟑, 𝟒:𝟎𝟎𝐩𝐦
𝐥𝐨𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐬

"What is it?" I mutter and turn to the side to be able to eye her uninterruptedly.

Seemingly growing anxious or worried, she presses her lips together and cleverly dodges my intent look by shifting her gaze.

It takes about a minute until words begin spilling from her mouth abruptly once she took a rather deep breath.

"See, the thing is: I don't know if it's too early for that or not, because this has never happened before, that's why I don't really know how to handle all of this," she speaks straightforwardly, "and there's such a big chaos in my head that I can't seem to figure it out,

but I think I have feelings for you."

My heart rate rises forthwith and a wave of heat and color flushes my cheeks.

The candid words she uttered were the ones I had divined before her disclosure about her true sentiments.

"Like, some type of romantic feelings, I guess, you know?" she adds timidly and presses her lips together once again.

Her chest is heaving up and down heavily, and she appears to be out of breath from being mystified by her own actions. In fact, she had the courage to vocalize an intimate secret.

It is true that we have become bosom friends in the past eleven weeks, and additionally, it is a matter of fact that her tight embrace has turned into a second home for me.

And that's something we're both cognizant of.

My eyes remain lingering on her till she decides to raise her voice another time, a tad more determined this time

"I'm so sorry for being so impulsive with that," she apologizes hesitatingly. "And I'm sorry that I kissed you again, I shouldn't have done that."

"Oh no, you're good, really," I mutter in response. "You can do it again."

The expression on her face changes perceptibly.

"Wait, are you for real?" she questions
bewilderedly, slowly comprehending what my utterance meant word for word.

"Kiss me again," I laugh shyly and rapidly conceal my complexion with my palms, embarrassment creeping up inside of me.

"Believe me, I wanna do that so many more times," she replies, confidence now lacing her soft voice. "But only if you're okay with that."

It's not a secret that I am genuinely craving the touch of her lips against mine, on my neck, on my chest.

And more hidden places.

In my dreams, her fingers tangle in my thick hair as I'm pulling her slim body against mine, roaming my hands down her hourglass figure.

I want her in close proximity to me.

But there's that knot in my stomach that won't unwind.

My inner doubts – They're persistent,

persistent enough for me to be experienced as an immense burden.

And there's the undeniable fear of inadvertently wounding her innocent heart.

Additionally, I'm not enamored with her, I'm exclusively bewitched by her.

I'm smitten with her demeanor.

"Mh, I consent to that," I reply in hushed tones and pull my lower lip between my front teeth.

"So we're both basically trying to ask each other the same thing right now?" she wants to know from me.

I nod vaguely, devoting my attention to the way her mouth moves as she talks to me.

"The imagination of it seems pretty cute to me, not gonna lie," I vocalize my truest thoughts circling my mind in this present moment.

"Yeah, true," she agrees diffidently. "But there's one thing I'd expect from you, okay?"

𝗦𝘂𝗿𝗲, 𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝗺𝗲 are the three words I say prior to listening closely to her wish for the days and months ahead.

"No intimate contact with random dudes."

𝗜 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗽𝘂𝘁 𝗮𝗻 𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗶𝘁, 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗸𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗲𝗿.

"I'm okay with that, it hasn't been completely consensual lately anyway," I respond truthfully to her demand.

Consternation palpably strikes her body, and moreover, her courage of interrupting my words is missing now.

Accordingly, I take the chance to keep speaking.

"I wish I didn't have to say this, but we gotta stay distant at school, just like we did at the beginning of the school year when were complete strangers."

Another mild shock makes her freeze entirely.

"What do you mean by that?" she asks, deep furrows noticeable on her clear forehead as she's evidently attempting to decipher my statement on her own.

"Because of everyone there," I give a justification for my personal wish. "They're all homophobes, especially Clarissa. I don't want her to hurt you, you hear me? We can hang out every single day if that's what you want but not necessarily at school."

"So no kissing in the hallways?"

Billie gazes upon me with disappointment filling her begging eyes, her pouting intensified that emotion.

𝗡𝗼 𝗸𝗶𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 I repeat and smirk 
at the same time that I amusingly shake my head left to right.

"But besides that, we're an unofficially official couple now?" she asks as she raises an eyebrow.

"Mh, I think so," I hum and chuckle whilst tucking a strand of hair behind my pierced ear.

We'll find out soon enough

whether this a mistake or turns out to be the best decision for either of us.

Losin Control - Russ

⚡️

finally.. i'm sorry, this is so short.
anyway, alyssa and billie or ella and billie :)?