broken || outerbanks, jj

five

one week later
thursday ; 6:20 am
not home anymore

i packed. i packed all of my things. my things that i wanted to keep. forever. i left the photo albums, and everything that reminded me of what rose and dad had together. i didn't want to remember, not their story anyway. i wanted to remember my own story with dad. so that's what i did. i packed my pictures with just dad. i packed my fishing trophies that i had won with just dad. all of it that was apart of just dad and i. no rose.

it was 6:20 am and i was getting ready for a flight at 7:00 am. i was going back to kildare island. i was going back to the outerbanks. i was going back to a life i lived for only a few months, but this time, i was there for good.

it's been a week since my dad passed. my aunt told me i didn't have to worry about the house or his belongings, she said she'd take care of it. my aunt said that i didn't have to worry about his funeral because she would take care of that too. i only had to worry about where i was going to live, which wasn't hard seeing as ward and rose had called me and said they heard and that they were moving me back.

i told them no at first. i ruined things there. i fucked people up. but they said that it was the only thing i could do seeing as i had no money to live on my own. so that's what i did. i'm moving back to the outerbanks, back to figure 8. back to being a kook. back to staying in a room that wasn't mine. that's where i am going. that's who i'll be again.

—♡—

i sat on my flight. i was alone this time. just me and a window. no one to talk to. no one to tell me i would be alright. i was alone. again.

i starred out the window. the clouds slowly going by like we weren't even moving. the clouds were a gorgeous sight. they were fluffy and white and it made me feel a happy feeling. i wasn't happy though. it was just a feeling.

the flight attendant walked over to my row of seats, asked if i wanted a water or cookies. i just shook my head. if i ate, or drank, i'd probably puke. the rocking from the plain, it would have made me puke.

the pilot soon came over the intercom, telling everyone that we would be landing in 20 minutes and that we all need to pretty much shut our things off and shut the hell up. of course those weren't his exact words, but i'm sure he was thinking them.

my phone was tucked away above me in a separate bag. a bag that wasn't my lap bag. the only things in my lap bag were head phones, for no use, and a sweatshirt. i didn't know why i even packed a lap bag. i didn't need it.

as the plane started making noises, loud noises, i knew we were coming to ground. it was the same sound i heard when i left the outerbanks. now the same sound i'm hearing while i'm coming back to the outerbanks.

i looked out the window again. the same white, fluffy clouds. it was all the same. all i could think when i saw those same clouds was the color of my fathers skin. pale, white skin. that's what he looked like when he was laying in that bed. just that bed.

he was gone. like really gone. he couldn't talk to me. or look at me. he wasn't breathing, or moving. he was just gone. like that.

those five hours i sat in that waiting room, waiting, and waiting and waiting. and yet, i shouldn't have because all i got was 'your dads dead.' all i got was sad faces and the famous 'we did everything we could.' i didn't get anything to make me smile or laugh or be happy.