broken || outerbanks, jj

eleven

a week later ; monday
coop's pov
the wreck ; 8:56 am

"so ward actually talked to you? like a real conversation about something completely about his own life?"

i was sat in the back of the wreck eating breakfast with kie. after our argument we had last week, she had called me and told me to come by and get some free breakfast sometime. said she just wanted to talk. catch up.

so this morning, when i figured out no one was home, and i was starving, i called kie, told her i'd meet her at the wreck.

kie was the same person she was last year. the happy, turtle talking, smart ass girl. she was the same kie i loved and appreciated.

she informed me that none of the others new i was back. but she told me that big john new. kie said she told him to keep quite about my appearance on the island.

"yeah, he told me about his dad and how he died and how he was his bestfriend and all kinds of things. like thanks, i get you're trying to help, but i don't need the sob story. you telling me about your life isn't going to help." i shoved a piece of bacon into my mouth, then taking a drink of the apple juice i had.

"i guess it could be a good thing. at least he is talking to you." kie shrugged while eating her sausages.

i smiled at her and shook my head. she was really acting like this was normal. like a whole year didn't just go by of me ignoring her calls. a hole year of me not speaking to her or anyone she knew.

"was i missed?" i asked suddenly, the words coming out before i could stop myself.

"very. us pogues threw a going away party for you. i mean obviously you didn't attend but we still threw it." kie chuckled. "john b even named a beer after you. he called it 'the pogue that's on vacation.' he said it had something to do with when he first met you."

that made me giggle. the first day i actually talked to john b, i had told him and his dad that i was a pogue, just on vacation.

"who all attended this amazing going away party?" i raised an eyebrow.

"me, pope, john b, and of course, big john. oh and multiple others, but they saw it as just another party. but that didn't matter to us. it was 100% a going away party for you, no matter what the others thought."

"you didn't say jj."

"no. i didn't." kie laid her hand on mine, she was about to tell me something that i wasn't going to want to hear. "after you left, jj kind of went down hill. he wasn't really himself. he skipped school, slept, cried. he started going home more, like to his dads. for a while he slept in a ditch down by the convenient store. said he liked it there. once he started to come back to john b's, he drank. he drank heavy. there was not a moment he was left without a beer. but after awhile, we all told him how we left about it and he quit. i mean he didn't quit drinking, but he dialed it down. he drank like two beers a day and would stop."

i sent kie a fragile smile. i wanted to say something, like an apology, but she would just roll her eyes and tell me to stop apologizing. i felt bad, i felt regretful. i hated what i did. i hated it, but there was nothing i could do. i was forced out. i was forced to live with my dad because he got clean. so it wasn't entirely all my fault, but it felt like it.

"is he happy?"

i felt a lump form in my throat. i didn't know if i wanted that answer. i didn't know what she would say and if it would hurt me or not. i wish i would have never asked.

"he is. he pretty much lives with big john and john b full time. he sleeps on their couch. he has his own dresser, his own things. he puts a smile on everyday, so i think he's happy." kie sent me a shrug. she didn't know how he felt herself. she was just assuming. but she was most definitely right. he probably was happy. he probably liked how things turned out.

"good." i sent yet another fragile smile to kie. she looked at me in a sympathetic way and i shook my head at her, "don't. jj's happy. that's all that matters. you are all happy, and that's all that matters."

"are you, like truthfully." kie's face fell into a worry. she was concerned.

i felt a sting go up my spin after she asked that. i didn't know the full answer to that. i didn't know if i was happy or not. i didn't know if being happy was something i could even be.

"honestly no. i'm happy at this moment. but i'm not happy. i'm kind of just numb. i don't really have a feeling."

"and that's okay. you can feel whatever you want. you have a right to feel. and nothing is a wrong feeling."

kie always had a way with words. she always knew what to say. it was like her job or something.

"you girls almost finished up? i need my lovely daughter back for work." kie's dad came walking to the back of the wreck.

"all finished. thanks again mr. carrera." i nodded at the tall man.

"i'v told you this! call me mike!" mike playfully rolled his eyes and he dramatically flailed his hands in the air. that made kie and i chuckle at him.

i missed having a genuine laugh.