broken || outerbanks, jj

ten

jj's pov
the chateau ; 6:27 pm

i was sat next to kie on the HMS pogue. it was the third time we'd been on the water today. there was nothing much to do yet this summer, so fishing and drinking was kind of just the thing we planned on.

kie and pope were in a deep conversation about some type of fish pope had caught. kie thought it was a crappie while pope thought other wise.

john b was swishing back a beer while throwing his line into the water, catching nothing. but he seemed to be having the time of his life.

i on the other hand, i was bored. i was tired of the fishing. of the drinking. i wanted to be at a party, or be somewhere doing something illegal. i wanted to have fun. this wasn't fun anymore. this was boring.

i finished off my second beer of the day. i was cutting down drinking seeing as last year, i did some pretty shitty things to my friends.

last year, after the break up, i wasn't me. i was broken, i was hurt. i turned into some type of monster. i was ridiculous. i went bat shit crazy. i was a basket case.

2 months after the break up

"jj, cool it." kie spat as i opened another beer.

"leave me the fuck alone kie."

"keep drinking, and you'll end up like your old man." john b harshly said.

i glared at him. i knew he didn't mean it. i knew it was all in the heat of the moment. but he said it, and what i was about to do was in the heat of the moment as well.

i punched john b in the face. got him right in the left eye. he stumbled back, grabbing ahold of his eye. kie ran up to his side, sending me the most hurtful glare she could.

"JJ!" pope yelled, pushing me away from him and everyone else. "are you kidding me? are you serious?"

"he asked for it. he talked about my old man. he brought that on himself." i could hear the slur in my words. i had one to many beers already and it was only 6:30.

"get out. get the fuck out!" john b yelled, shoving me. kie tried to hold him back, but he was to strong under her grip.

"fuck you. fuck all of you. fuck you for everything you guys did. fuck you for my dad, fuck you for pretending like you never saw the marks he put on me, fuck you for lexi cooper, fuck you for the shit you all did, you all did this to me."

my head was spinning. my eyes were blurry. everything felt off. nothing was normal. their eyes were all on me. they just starred at me. no one said anything. no one moved.

i felt instant regret, but i didn't show that.

i took a swig of my beer and walked out of the chateau. i walked and walked and walked. i didn't have a destination but i walked.

after some time, my feet lead me to my house. it was dark. the lights were all off. the beast was definitely passed out somewhere in the house.

maybe if i snuck in, i can pass out in my bed. then get up early and leave before my dad even sees me.

and that's what i did. except, early that morning wasn't early enough because my dad was awake. big ol luke maybank was wide awake and already had a beer in hand.

he asked where i was always going, and i told him the truth, john b's. he didn't care. he thought i was lying. that earned me a punch to the chest.

then he asked me about school, asked if i even attended anymore, and again, i told him the truth. i told him no. 

but that earned me a second punch to the mouth. i saw that one coming though.

then a third for tearing up.

i wanted to cry. it hurt. but i didn't. that would just earn me a fourth.

plus the punches he gave me, they made me feel something, definitely pain, but it made me feel not numb anymore.

"grab me a beer." he said, but i took that as my time to run. run somewhere that wasn't there. somewhere that i wouldn't get hit.

—♡—

the break up was hard on me. hard on my friends. for months, i skipped school. i slept all day. i stayed at big johns and john b's. some say i fell into a depression, but that shits for the weak. all it was was me being heart broken. but i wasn't that anymore. i got over all that. i became a man again.

coop left and she left for good. she was never coming back. and even if she did, i wouldn't care. she was nothing to me just like i was nothing to her.

lexi cooper was a a total bitch. a total liar. she never felt the things she said she did. she never loved me. she just used me. she used me like every kook does. lexi cooper was a full kook, and it shows.

she was the one person i loved enough to let in. she was the one person i let know everything about me. i guess it just happened so fast that i didn't see her truth. i didn't see who she really was.

i didn't see that she didn't care about me. i didn't see that she didn't love me. i didn't even see that she made everything up, just to have a little fun.

she changed me, she hurt me, and she definitely broke me. i was broken, all because she wanted something to pass the time before she went and lived happily with her father.

never again will i love a girl like lexi cooper.