broken || outerbanks, jj

nineteen

friday 11:42 am

i woke up the next morning, but i just stayed in my bed starring at my ceiling. there was nothing special about it, but it helped me calm my body. i was overwhelmed with the yelling and the anger. i was overwhelmed with seeing jj and telling him about my dad. i was tired of having to say sorry over and over for how i left. i was tired of being mad at myself for the way i left. i knew that i shouldn't have left like i did. i knew i should have told every single one of them about it the moment i found out that it was a possibility. but that was all the past and i am no time traveler.

i left a tear fall down my face, and into my hair. i whipped it away and sat up.

this wasn't how i wanted summer to go. i want to make memories and do fun things. i didn't want screaming and glares and crying and running away from people. but that's how it was going.

i started to cry more and i just let it happen. right now, i was starting to think that i needed it. to many things were happening, and i had no one to talk to.

i had no one to talk to about my dad. i had no one to talk to about jj. i had no one to talk to about how my mom has only said a few words to me since i got here. i had no one to talk about how i'm doing, how i'm feeling.

but yet i did. i had sarah. i had kie. i had john b. i had pope. but i didn't want to talk to them about it. i wanted to talk about my own troubles with someone special. but i didn't have that one specific special person right now.

—♡—

"come on." kie said as i opened the door to my house.

"what?" i asked, as i wiped away some tears that were on my cheeks.

"let's go. you are coming to hang out with us today."

"but." i tried to make up some type of excuse.

"stop. you need someone. and i don't know who that someone is right now. but i'm going to figure it out. but for right now, let's go." kie demanded.

"okay."

kie opened the passenger door for me, me getting in before she closed it. her radio was playing quietly while her ac was running loud.

i watched her walk around her car and open her own door, getting in as well, and closing it. she looked over at me and just kept her gaze on me.

"are you okay?" she asked before she moved the car.

"i'll be okay." i nodded.

"i need you to be okay now."

"kie, i can't." i felt more tears start to build in my eyes.

"cooper, i'm sorry that you are going through things alone, and i want to be there for you, but you have to let me in first. you have to be the one to open up."

"it's better if i don't. why put my problems on you if i don't need too?"

"because your problems are my problems. it's just like if pope has a bad day. his mood is different, he's upset and now the day is changed because some one isn't feeling the greatest. so yes, your problems are my problems. not in a bad way either."

i starred at kie, trying to decide whether or not i wanted to tell her things, and after a minute or two of deciding i spilled.

"i haven't talked to my mom since i first got here. she doesn't even talk to me about dad."

"have you tried to talk to her about your dad?"

"i have, but she waves me off." i wiped away my glossy eyes.

"okay, so she isn't the one to talk to about him. maybe she is going through it too with the death and is scared to talk to you because she doesn't want to break down in front of you and look week."

"you're probably right. she would hate if that happened." i sent her a weak smile.

"what else?"

i sat and thought. there was a lot, but i was looking for bigger things. i was looking to let kie in.

"rafe hates me. wishes i was dead pretty much."

"rafe is going to die himself if he keeps up with the amount of coke he's doing."

i laughed at her statement, "he really is huh?"

"most likely in the next 5 years."

"jj hates me."

"jj hates the world right now. he even hates big john and big john is just living life. don't let him affect you."

"but he is going to effect me. i love him."

"yeah, you do. but you have to try. once jj sees that you are happy or at least trying to be happy, he'll either leave you alone, or start to treat you like a normal human being, okay?"

"okay."

with that, kie put her car in drive and drove us to the chateau where i would be face to face with jj again.

but this time, i wasn't going to freak out. i'm going to leave him to all the freaking out.

—♡—

kie and i walked into the chateau, the boys all sitting in the living room talking about something random.

as kie and i walked in though, we had caught the attention of all the boys, and they stopped talking.

"why?" jj spoke first, me turning my focus to him.

"shut up." kie quickly said as she sat down on the couch next to him.

"why is she here? she literally should mean nothing to you guys. especially with the way she left. this is so ridiculous." jj spat, keeping his gaze on the other three.

i just took a deep breath and closed me eyes. "jj i'm sorry about the way i left. i'm sorry that i hurt you. i'm sorry that i didn't try harder. but i can't keep fighting over this. if you don't want me around, talk to them about it, because they do. and honestly, you may have been friends with them longer than i have, but they are my friends too." i said calmly which i think took the others by surprise seeing as they all had big smiles on their faces.

jj just ignored me, hitting his juul.

"and you know what, that can work too. we can ignore each other. we can sit and hang out with kie, pope and john b, and just not talk to each other."

"you'd like that huh?" he spoke up.

"honestly, it's better than being told i'm horrible." i nodded towards him.

jj's face dropped into what looked like sympathy, but he covered it up quick with anger again.

"alright. i think that's the deal." i said to everyone, glancing back to jj, seeing that he was looking at me.