broken || outerbanks, jj

twenty eight

"are you okay?" pope asked me as he looked at me.

"i think so." i sent him a smile, "i'm just tired."

"of what?" john b asked.

i shook my head, "this is horrible." i let out a laugh as i put my head into my knees, "but i'm tired of trying. i'm tired of intruding. you guys had to deal with jj while i was off in lala land with my dad."

"we don't care about that coop. jj is our best friend. we would swim across the ocean just to help him." john b said.

"yeah, plus, what else are we going to do? sit around and fish everyday. jj just adds a little spice every once in a while." pope let out a small laugh.

"i'm sorry guys." i stated. "leaving was horrible, but if i'm honest, i think it was for the greater good. jj and i will grow from this, and if we really are 'meant to be' like kie says, we'll get through it." i shrugged.

"first, don't ever be sorry. we all do and go through shit. it's life. second, you two are definitely meant to be." john b smiled at me.

i just shook my head and laughed, "i'm hoping."

3:47 pm

i was laying in john b's bed, trying to take a nap. after what happened, it honestly gave me a bad headache. i learned so much more information sense i left, that it just hurt my head.

but i couldn't fall asleep. all i could think about was if i was really in love with jj like i tell everyone and myself.

i mean, jj was and is my first love. he is on my mind all the time, whether i'm doing the dishes or trying to fall asleep. jj was always there for me. he was always the one i went to for things that i couldn't tell others.

but was i really in love?

i believed i was. i felt like i was, but there was always this part of me that felt like i wasn't.

maybe that part of me just wanted to push. push jj out. run away.

"i want to talk to her." i heard from outside the door.

"no jj, you've done enough." it was pope and jj.

"just let me talk to her. let me fix things."

"you? fix things? jj, maybe you need to fix yourself before you go off trying to fix other problems. you need to help yourself." pope said to him.

i felt my pulse rise as i shot up from the bed.

"shit. shit. shit." i whispered as i dropped to the floor of john b's room. i shoved myself under the bed and just waited.

i waited for the door to open. i waited for both boys to be just as confused as i am.

why did i hide?

i heard the door open as pope and jj were wrestling with it.

"where is she?" jj asked. his voice almost sounded broken.

"if i could tell you, well i probably still wouldn't." i could hear pope chuckle under his breath.

"did she go home?"

"honestly, it wouldn't surprise me. you probably scared her with all your outbursts." as pope talked, i kept a close eye on where they were standing. jj had moved into the room more while pope was still stood in the door way.

"why can't i talk to her?" jj sat on the bed.

"because jj, you need to take care of yourself before you take care of cooper. cooper can handle herself. for god sakes jj, she has gone through a lot more than we all think she has." pope walked more into the room as i heard him talk to jj.

i tried so hard not to move or make a sound. if they knew i was under here, they would think i'v gone insane.

"i do take care of myself."

"really? why did you go to your dads?" pope's voice sounded angry.

"i told you."

"no, the real reason, jj."

i could hear a faint inhale of jj's breath before he spoke, "last summer, cooper had a juul, rafe bought it for her or some shit. but she left it with me. i wanted to give it back to her. i wanted her to know i kept it."

"so you endangered your safety for a juul?"

"pope, it's a step for me okay? it's something that i know cooper will genuinely love."

"a juul, really?"

"no, the meaning behind it. the fact that i kept it. the fact that i kept something of hers even though she left. it's the meaning pope."

he was right, i probably would have loved seeing that he kept it all this time. i do love that he kept it all this time.

i couldn't help but smile. that juul wasn't anything special, but him keeping it, that made it special.

"why didn't you just tell me that?" i heard pope speak which made me wipe the smile off my face, bringing me back to reality.

i was still under this damn bed.

"i don't know."

pope came and sat on the bed next to jj. "jj, please promise me you'll fix yourself before you try to fix anything with coop. if she really loves you, she'll wait."

"i know."

"good. now, i have a feeling i know where she is."

as pope said that, i quietly sucked in a bunch of air and held my breath. this is where i get caught.

"where?"

"home. i told her not to. i told her not to go home because then she'll over think and she'll run. but i think she did anyway." pope sounded disappointed in me.

right then and there, i wanted to jump out and yell surprise, but i was already in to deep.

"what do you mean, overthink?"

"she thinks this is all her fault. your outbursts."

"what? i thought john b told her about my dad?" i watched jj's foot move as he spoke.

"he did, but you know coop, she over thinks everything."

"god dammit. i'v really messed up."

"yes, you have. but you can fix it. but AFTER you fix yourself."

after that it went silent for a few seconds. i was trying so hard to keep as silent as possible. any noise and they would know that something sketchy was going on.

jj got off the bed, finally, soon pope following. as they both walked to the door, jj said, "i should probably call kie. fix what i did there."

"yeah, probably."

both boys let out a laugh before walking out of the room. i exhaled a big inhale and shook my head.

holy shit. that was the scariest moment of my life.