The Phan in Our Stars

Part Three

"Phil, oh my God!"

"Dan!"

Dan ran to Phil's bedside and flung his arms around him. Immediately, Dan felt tears welling up in his eyes.

"Don't cry." he willed, but the tears fell anyway. He sat up to try to disguise his emotions, but Phil caught his wrist. As their eyes met, Dan couldn't hold it in anymore. He began to tremble and shake as he cried silently, trying his hardest to calm himself down.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Phil asked, stretching out his arms to wipe away Dan's tears.

"I--" Dan spluttered for a minute before he managed to form words. All he could manage was, "I'm sorry, Phil, I'm-- I'm so, so sorry."

"No, Dan, sh," Phil said, taking his boyfriend's hand, "I love you so much. You have nothing to apologise for. You saved my life."

"Your leg--" Dan managed to say through sobs.

"Dan, I don't have cancer anymore! I'm going to be okay. I'm going to live. With you. God, Dan, I would gladly give up both my legs if it meant i got to live a long, healthy life with you, Dan"

"But you shouldn't have to--"

"Maybe not," Phil interrupted, "But it isn't your fault that I do. It's no one's fault. Remember?"

Dan was at a loss for words so he just squeezed Phil's hand as hard as he could until his knuckles turned white. They sat there, not saying anything, just holding hands, their heads spinning with thoughts of what their new future would hold, until a doctor came in and issued Dan out.

"I'll see you soon," Dan said, kissing Phil's forehead as he left.

"No worries," Phil smiled, "We've got the rest of our lives to be together."

And for the first time in a long time, Dan smiled at that thought. Because now there were no more ticking clocks, no more anxiously awaiting attacks, no more countdowns. Life wasn't going to be normal, but it might be long. And that was enough for Dan.

***

"Phil?" Dan shook him gently awake, "Phil, get up!" Dan pulled the blankets off of Phil, exposing his half-naked body.

"Mmmm," Phil moaned, "Why?"

"Just trust me!" Dan laughed, "Get up, this is important!"

"Ughhhh," Phil rolled onto his back, squinting through the light as he looked up at Dan. "I guess, if it's important."

"Yes, come on!" Dan said, grabbing Phil's crutches from the corner and helping him to his feet.

In the hospital, Phil had been in a wheel chair, but after a few weeks of physical therapy he was able to get crutches and, eventually, prosthetics which he used pretty interchangeably. At first, Dan had felt bad for Phil nearly every time he saw him hobbling along on crutches or on a fake leg, but after a couple of weeks, Dan had a revelation. Phil wasn't hobbling. Phil was faster on crutches than Dan was running and when he wore jeans over his prosthetic, no one would ever guess that the leg underneath wasn't flesh ad bone. Phil didn't need or deserve to be pitied. He was strong. Stronger, Dan knew, than he could ever be.

"Hurry, Phil!"

"I'm moving as quickly as I can, Dan, oh my God," Phil laughed, fumbling to shove his glasses on his face, his eyes still adjusting to the light.

"Well, I'll just have to hurry you up then!" Dan laughed, reaching out to grab Phil.

"My knight in shining armour!" Phil laughed, allowing Dan to scoop him into his arms.

"How is it you've gotten heavier since losing your leg?" Dan teased.

"Just lucky, I guess," Phil retorted with a wink.

"Whatever. Now, close your eyes."

"What?"

"Phil, I am not leaving this room until you close your eyes."

"Ugh," Phil groaned, but, nevertheless, he complied.

"Keep them closed, I'm watching you!" Dan teased, carrying Phil down the hall and into the living room.

"Where are you taking me?"

"Nowhere. Shhh!"

"Am I being kidnapped?" Phil asked as Dan set him gently on the sofa, his eyes still shut tight. "Are you going to tie me up and gag me now too?"

"Oh you'd like that wouldn't you?" Dan teased. Phil could hear the smirk on his face.

"I prefer to be the one doing the tying," Phil shot back with a similarly evil smirk.

"Oh shut up!" Dan said, silencing him with a kiss. "You're ruining my moment."

"Hard to have a moment when your eyes are closed isn't it?"

"Okay. Open your eyes," Dan said, smiling ear to ear.

"Dan." Phil opened his eyes and couldn't say anything else.

"Yes?"

"Dan."

"Yes, Phil?"

"How."

"I'm the best boyfriend ever."

"That," Phil said, eyeing the Christmas decorations which literally filled the space, "Is and accurate statement."

"Is it everything you ever dreamed of?" Dan asked with a mischievous grin.

"It's better," Phil smiled, "Come here," He wrapped his finger around the collar of Dan's shirt and pulled him down into a kiss. Clumsily, Dan fell over and toppled on top of him on the sofa.

"Merry Christmas, Phil," Dan breathes, wrapping his arms around Phil, still on top of him.

"Merry Christmas, Dan," Phil whispered back, stroking Dan's hair. "I love you," he whispered. And for the first time, Phil was the one holding Dan. And he didn't want to ever go back.