The Phan in Our Stars

Part Six

"She just showed up at the door?" Phil chuckled, covering his face with one hand.

"YES!" Dan laughed, "it was so awkward! I was just like 'er, Phil isn't home right now, sorry'!"

"Oh my gosh that's so hilarious!" Phil fell back on the couch in a fit of laughter, picturing the scenario. Dan smiled, but not because he was laughing. It was good to see Phil laughing and just having a good time. No one ever would have guessed that only yesterday he had been rushed to the hospital in unbearable pain.

"Well it wasn't hilarious for me!" Dan said, giving Phil a little shove.

"Don't worry I'll text her and tell her something," Phil said, sitting back up.

"Like what?"

"Oh I don't know," Phil leaned in towards Dan, "but something's telling me it isn't going to work out between she and I," he said quietly, planting a small kiss on Dan's lips.

Dan blushed, "So, um--" he looked down at his feet, a little embarrassed.

"What?" Phil asked. He cupped Dan's chin in his hand, lifting his head so they were staring into each other's eyes, "What is it?"

"I don't know," Dan said, the color quickly draining from his face.

"Dan," Phil insisted, "just tell me!"

"I don't know," Dan said, sighing, "are we like, you know.. Are we.. Um,"

"A thing?" Phil read Dan's mind. Dan looked up and was relieved to see that he was smiling.

"Yeah, uh, like... a couple?"

Phil grinned, "I don't know, are we?" he teased, planting another tiny kiss on Dan's cheek.

Dan smiled slightly. "Do you want to be?" he asked awkwardly.

"Dan," Phil took his hand, "I would be honored."

Dan blushed, but this time, he kissed Phil. It was a good kiss too: short, but flirtatious. Dan's heart fluttered. He loved kissing Phil. It was as if they were made to kiss each other: every movement was natural and spontaneous, and it always worked.

"What about the fandom?" Dan asked after forcing himself to pull away from the kiss.

"Well 75% of them think we're sexing every night anyway," Phil joked. Dan gave him a look. "Well," Phil said, "I don't think we should say anything yet."

"I agree," Dan said, relieved. He hated keeping secrets from him viewers, but he wanted some privacy for a while.

"So," Phil said, changing the subject, "I'm assuming that Dr Morris talked to you about, um, the incident yesterday."

"Yeah," Dan said, "but I'm not sure I really understand."

"It's complicated," Phil said, "You know when I first got this thing," he motioned to the PICC in his arm, "how I said that I didn't even notice it until I thought about it?" Dan nodded. "Well my leg is kind of that way too." He explained, "The chemo is working really well, actually. I feel very little pain honestly. But, the more I think about the fact that there's cancer in my leg, the more I kind of internally freak out about it. And the more I freak out, the more aware of the pain I become."

There was a short silence as Dan tried to soak in what Phil had said.

"Yesterday morning, I woke up with you in my arms," Phil said, staring intently at his hands which he was wringing I his lap, "You were so perfect, just lying there, asleep," Dan blushed at this, "and I just thought I'd get up and shower and then maybe surprise you with pancakes or something," Phil's voice began to shake, as if he were holding back tears, "I just couldn't stop thinking about you, Dan. I couldn't get you out of my mind: how much I love you, how I want to make you happy forever. But the more I thought about you, the more I thought about it, the more I began to think that maybe I wouldn't be able to make you happy forever." Phil's voice began to choke, "'what if I get worse?' I thought, 'what if I get so bad that I'm just a bed ridden mess?' I don't--" Phil paused for a moment, composing himself. "I don't want to be a burden on you," he said, quietly.

"Phil," Dan said, putting his arms around him, "Phil, listen. You will never be a burden on me, understand?" Phil let out a small sob and Dan pulled him into his chest, holding him gently to comfort him. "I love you, Phil," he said, "more than anything on earth. And I will do anything to help you, and I will never get tired of it and you will NEVER, EVER be a burden on me. Do you understand?"

Phil sat up and nodded. "How are you so perfect?" he laughed, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"I'm not; you are!" Dan teased, poking Phil playfully in the ribs.

"ANYWAY," Phil said, dragging the conversation back to its intended subject, "I don't suppose he told you his diagnosis, did he?"

"Oh, he did alright!" Dan said, grinning, "Best diagnosis I've ever heard of!"

"I know!" Phil said, "I was thinking--"

"AH! Nope! Stop right there!" Dan said, pushing a finger against Phil's lips.

"What?" Phil asked, confused.

"The whole point of a vacation is that YOU are supposed to relax!" Dan said.

"So? What does that have to--.

"So," Dan cut Phil off, "No thinking! For this trip, I don't want you to even lift a finger!"

"What?" Phil asked, surprised, "You-- you want to do all that work? By yourself?"

"For you, my love? Anything," Dan said, wrapping an arm around Phil, making him blush.

"You really don't have to--"

"No, no, no!" Dan interrupted again. "I want to. Please, let me take care of this." He placed his chin gently on Phil's shoulder and whispered in his ear, "Let me take care of you."

Phil blushed and kissed Dan gently in response. "Okay," he said quietly.

"Okay," Dan replied with a flirtatious wink. They stared at each other for a moment before Dan cracked a smile and began to kiss Phil once more. As they kissed, Phil leaned forward, knocking Dan backwards. He rolled over next to Dan, placing his head gently on his chest and snuggling as close to his body as he could.

"We are quite the scandal, aren't we?" he giggled.

"Yeah, I guess we are," Dan laughed, putting his arm around Phil, pulling him even closer.

The two boys laid there for a moment in silence. Phil could feel Dan's heart beating in his chest and for some reason, unknown even to him, it was comforting. He liked lying here, safe in Dan's arms. Dan wanted to take care of him: to protect him. Phil smiled at the thought: he did feel safe when he was with Dan. Lying here in Dan's arms, Phil felt more safe and secure than he had since his diagnosis.

"Well," Dan said, after a long silence, "I guess I have some work to get to!" He stood up, leaving Phil on the couch.

"You're leaving me?" Phil asked, sticking out his lower lip a little.

Dan bent down and planted a small kiss on Phil's forehead. "I leave you in good hands," he said, taking Phil's laptop off the side table and placing it next to Phil.

"Oh wow, thanks," Phil said, pulling the laptop up to his chest, "it's my favorite cuddle buddy!"

"Haha," Dan said, sarcastically, "well I'll just leave you two alone then,"he laughed, heading towards the study. Phil watched him go, smiling. Things were finally starting to fall into place.