The Phan in Our Stars

Part Six

"Mum, it's fine! No, mum--"

Dan laughed a little, overhearing parts of Phil's phone conversation as he carried boxes down the stairs. It was moving day, which seemed to be stressing Phil's mother out quite a bit.

"No, mum! Listen, it's too late for you and dad to come help now! Mum, we're... Mum we're almost done anyway. We've got plenty of help, don't worry!"

Dan wasn't sure that he, PJ, and Chris truly constituted "plenty of help", but he didn't say anything as he made the eternal trek downstairs again with a pile of boxes in his arms. PJ, Chris, and himself had been loading boxes into the car for nearly two hours and he was starting to feel tired. Phil had tried to make himself useful in various ways, but was in no condition to do so, on account of the cancer which was inhabiting his leg. A little piece of Dan wanted to be bitter about the fact that Phil had sat and watched him work all day, but Dan wasn't giving into that. Honestly, Dan felt bad for him: he could tell from the sullen expression he had been wearing most of the day that Phil felt really useless. Dan wanted more than anything in the whole world to prove to Phil that he most definitely was not useless, but he was so rubbish at being there for people to begin with, especially when trying to hide his feelings for them.

"Finally got rid of her," Phil joked, hanging up his phone as Dan re-entered the apartment.

"Your mum?"

"Yes, she's been driving me insane!" Phil said, a bit exasperated, "She's called me about a dozen times to see that we were getting on okay."

"She's just worried," Dan said.

"I don't know why," Phil said, "It's not like we've never moved before."

"She's got reason to worry, you know," Dan said, "This mess is probably really hard on her too."

"I guess," Phil shrugged, as if it was no big deal. But Dan knew how big of a deal it really was.

"Oi! What are you doing sitting around?" Chris asked, entering the room, closely followed by PJ, each with armloads of boxes.

"We're breaking our backs over here and what are you two doing? Just sitting here watching us slave away for you!" PJ joked.

"I'm coming, Peej," Dan said, heading back to the hallway to grab another armful of the few remaining boxes.

It took less than half an hour to finish loading the last of Dan and Phil's things into the car.

"It's so empty," Phil said, looking around the apartment one last time, "It's kind of sad."

"It reminds me of moving in," Dan said, nudging his best friend in the ribs, "The apartment was bare for weeks because we didn't own any furniture!"

Phil laughed, remembering their first few weeks in this city together, "We were so busy freaking out about being Londoners that we didn't even notice the lack of furniture!"

"What do you mean 'we'?" Dan giggled, "You were the one freaking out!"

"Me?!" Phil laughed, "As if you weren't nervous too!"

"I guess I was," Dan admitted.

Phil let out a nostalgic sigh, "So much has changed in the past few years, it's so crazy."

"Few years?" Dan asked, raising an eyebrow, "So much has changed in the past few weeks!"

"I guess that's true," Phil said, quietly. He walked over to the lounge window and looked out over London one last time. So many things had changed the past few weeks, and were still changing.

"It's nice, isn't it?" Dan appeared behind him. He placed his chin on Phil's shoulder, as he looked out the window. Phil felt the color rise in his cheeks.

"I am going to miss the view at night." Dan said.

"Are you really?" Phil asked, "I didn't know you were a London skyline enthusiast."

Dan peered out the window at the vast city which expanded past The Gherkin out their window, "I guess I'm not, but the view is nice every now and then." His heart was beating rather quickly as his head rested gently against Phil's. For a split second, Dan considered telling Phil about the feelings burning away his insides like acid, but--

"Are you two lovebirds ready to get out of here?" Chris asked, laughing as he and PJ entered the lounge.

"Hashtag Phan is real," PJ joked.

"Haha, you guys are hilarious," Phil said, dryly. Dan's stomach tied in a knot.

"Come on guys," Dan said awkwardly, trying to cover the twinge of embarrassment he was feeling, "Let's get moving!" The other three boys glared at him, not amused.

"Oh, come on guys," Dan pleaded, "That was a funny one, you've got to admit!"

Phil giggled a little, "Alright Dan, let's move out!" he said, embracing the terrible pun.

* * *

Dan looked back at the apartment building as they drove away. If he was being honest, it did make him a little sad to be leaving it behind. He'd complained for the majority of the time that he and Phil had lived there about the stairs or the crazy neighbors, but now, he thought, he would miss those things. There were so many memories in that apartment: so many videos filmed, celebrations had, Mario Kart battles won, horror films watched. He had had so many existential crises lying in the upstairs hallway; had made so many midnight bowls of cereal in the kitchen, had fallen so hard for his best friend...

He looked over at Phil now, who was intently staring out the window. He wondered if Phil would miss the apartment as much as he would.

Oh well. They were going to a new place now, to start this new chapter in their lives. Dan suspected it was for the best, honestly. Maybe in Wembley they could live together as more than just roomates. But before that could happen, Dan would have to gather the courage to come clean about his feelings for Phil...

I will. Dan promised himself. This week I will tell Phil the truth.