A Love as Hard as This

Chapter 34

Author's Note:
Finally a kiss scene I'm actually semi-okay with!

Richelle's Perspective:

"Riche... You're awake." he said, coming to stand beside my bed.

"Yeah.. I am." I replied. I shrugged my shoulders and rubbed my arm, unsure of how to continue.

Luckily, he did it for me. "How're you feeling?"

Physically, I felt fine, other than the sharp pain in my chest when I inhaled, and a tinge of uncomfortableness in my abdomen. Strange pain in my chest, like I had run a marathon, but hadn't moved. Uncomfortableness because of... well, I didn't want to think about it anymore than I already had. It felt too empty.

Mentally was a different story. I was distraught over so many things. Noah, Annie, Noah and Jacquie, and... my secret.

My secret was comprised of so many things. Him, her, her. Life was hard enough having to deal with it all, all of this just added fuel to the fire inside me. My secret was my entire life, that no one knew about but me. And Annie knew most of it, but not all. No one knew it all. No one but me.

I had to deal with the weight of it everyday. Nothing ever made it better, and some days it was so bad that I could barely breathe. Not today, though.

Today I was mostly focused on Noah... and Jacquie. Did he want to be with her? If he did, I would let him go, no matter how hard it would be.

"Noah, do you want to be with Jacquie?" I asked abruptly.

"No, absolutely not." he assured me, confident in his answer completely. "I want to be with you. Only you, forever."

I couldn't help but smirk a little. "Really?" I said bashfully.

"Yes, of course. But we need to talk still. Anjou what you've been hiding from me, please." He grabbed my hand and stroked the back of it with his thumb.

I didn't want another fight, but that seemed to be his intention. I yanked my hand away, squaring my body to his. Time stopped between us. His breaths were deep and deliberate. I'd barely breathed since the moment I faced him. Finally, I mumbled, "Noah—"

In a single stride, he closed the space between us, cupped my cheek with one hand, and kissed me. The kiss was fierce and hungry and instantly melted every defense I had. He followed it with another, one which created a fire in me that burned for his next kiss, the next beat of his heart against mine. His left hand curled around my waist, careful as though not to hurt me and pressing us closer, then slid up the small of my back, leaving me to tremble in his arms, wanting more. Wanting only him.

I longed to live in this imaginary world where only he and I existed. Where our existence together wasn't questioned or challenged or... torn apart. But that's all we could ever have now, an imagined life within a temporary dream.

I wasn't sure who ended the kiss, only that I was utterly breathless when I pulled away. "Wow," was all I could say.

"Yeah. Wow." he agreed. "You know that I meant what I said before, right? That I want to be with you forever?"

"Noah, I know that you meant it. The problem is that you meant it. But our relationship has become everything I feared. Distraction, trouble, heartbreak, sadness. Maybe it's best if we're not together anymore, Noah. You and I both know that you're better off with her. Not me."

My heart broke as I said my speech, into little, tiny pieces. But I wasn't lying. That was the truth, the whole truth.

Noah was silent for a long time, so much so that I wondered if he'd even heard what I said. Then he spoke again. "Richelle, I don't care about all of the drama that goes along with this relationship. I want you, I love you, I need you. Without you these past few days, it felt like I was half-empty. Like a part of me was missing, on a literal sense."

What Noah was describing was exactly the way that I felt about him. But wasn't that bad? We depended on each other so much ... wasn't it better just to end it?

I decided against it, mostly because I knew that I would physically hurt for days more, and I didn't want to hurt anymore. I still wanted Noah, and I didn't want to care about anything else.

Without speaking, I grabbed his neck and pulled him closer to me again, kissing him with just as much force as he'd kissed me.

Emily came in, interrupting our moment, and I bit my lip in surprise. I put my hand over my mouth to cover it, but also so she wouldn't see my smile.

"I'm going to go get a coffee and leave you two to talk," Noah said. "See you guys later."

I nodded, then turned my attention to Emily.

——————

Noah's Perspective:

I went outside the hospital for some air, and Jacquie was sat there, watching me.

"Look, Noah, I'm sorry for kissing you. It was all my fault and it was in the moment and I shouldn't have done it." she said.

"No, it was my fault too. I leaned in, I kissed back, when I had a girlfriend. It was in the moment and it shouldn't have happened, but it wasn't your fault."

"Can I maybe visit Richelle?"

"She's in a fragile state right now and you might want not push her for now." I replied.

"Okay," she said softly. Then she walked away.

Author's Note:
Just writing this author's note to make sure of something. I plan on getting a tiny, tiny bit (not a lot I promise, like a make-out and that's it) more mature in the last few chapters of this book, and I just wanted to make absolute sure that you're all okay with that. If anyone (even one person) isn't, just comment it and I won't do it.
Thanks, guys!