A Love as Hard as This

Chapter 41

Author's Note:
Welp, my secrecy died in the last chapter, but I don't really care at this point. I've kept the prominent point a secret for 40 chapters too long, time to let it out! (If you don't understand it, sorry, I'm still cryptic even when I give things away :)

Richelle's Perspective:

"Ahhh!" I screamed. The pain was nearly encasing me, making it hard to breathe. My stomach was throbbing so much that I felt as though I would throw up. I almost did. There was a gust of liquid on the bed, making my clothes stick to my body and everything so much more uncomfortable.

I wanted Noah here with me, but I had specifically asked Annie to rush him out of the room to get something to eat before she tended to me. I couldn't have Noah knowing the truth. But that didn't make going through this without him any more bearable.

The lights were dimmed—at least through my rear filled eyes—and there was nearly 10 people in the room with me. Doctors, nurses. Everyone that would make sure the procedure was okay. I hoped it would be, I didn't think I could live with myself if it wasn't.

"It's alright, Richelle," Annie whispered in my ear, stroking my sweat-filled hair away from my eyes. I focused on her, using it as a distraction method. The tawny-blonde streaks in her mostly grey hair gave her a knowing and caring look, almost as if you could tell her anything and she'd understand, and never, ever get mad at you.

Her eyes were so dark of a blue they were almost black, and they seemed to peer into your heart through darkness when you let them. I suspected that was how she still saw good in me, even though I'd never done anything to even suggest that I deserved it.

"No, it's not alright!" I screamed, entering into a nearly delirious state. "I want Noah here!"

"Honey, you sent him away for a reason. He can't be here," she tried to tell me, but I was far past the point of reasoning. Hopped up on pain killers and all sorts of numbing drugs, my brain power was nearly non existent. I could barely fathom what she was saying; I only knew what two things I wanted.

Noah and her. Noah was all that I'd ever wanted, and I loved her the moment I first thought of her. And if I didn't have those two things...

I didn't even want to think of the possibilities, and I knew I couldn't, especially now. I had to focus on this, and trying my absolute hardest to make sure everything ended up alright.

But it was moments after that I knew it wouldn't. I hadn't heard a sound.

——————

I was at the hospital again, trying—and failing miserably to act like nothing was wrong. The medicine was numbing me slightly, taking away most of the pain, and no one was wiser.

Noah only thought that my hip was sore—I had convinced the doctors to tell him and everyone else that I had snapping hip syndrome, something that had along the lines of the symptoms I was complaining about and the recovery schedule. They hadn't wanted to and had tried to reason with me to take this time to be upset instead of putting on a brave face, but I'd refused.

"You okay, Riche?" Noah asked, for probably the 15th time today. I was getting slightly irritated.

"Fine," I sighed. I wasn't really, far, far from it. I had muffled my tears in a pillow on Noah's way here, and he only thought that the tear stains on my face were from my hip. My chest—heart really, was shallow, missing something that was supposed to be there. "I'm fine," I repeated in a whisper, almost as if I was assuring myself.

"Alright," he mumbled. Then the doctor came in.

"So, Richelle Kelly, I've got good news." he said. "You should be out of here soon, just a few more days. You might even be ready to go by tomorrow, but you absolutely have to take it easy, because I don't want you back here anytime soon." I smiled at that.

"Hey, Noah?" Annie said from the doorway. "Richelle needs some food, darling, could you go and get it for her?"

The doctor left before Noah, and Noah nodded and kissed the top of my head lightly before he exited the room. "Hi, Annie," I said when it was just me and her.

"Hello, hun," she responded with a smile. "There's someone that wants to see you."

I was puzzled. Who, besides Noah, would want to see me. I doubted it was Emily—she would probably still be mourning over her lost job—and it wasn't likely to be anyone else. I didn't have a clue.

I was not expecting who Annie rolled through the door. Someone I hadn't seen in years. When I took a double take, unsure if I was imagining it or not, I looked back to see her and smiled widely.

Her skin was wrinkled, pale, hollow, but her eyes were bright, and deterred the signs of deep aging slightly on her face. The hairline she had was almost non existent, running up to  the middle of her head and fading into her fair hair. She was old, sick, unwell enough that she might not even see tomorrow, but she was still smiling.

She'd been diagnosed with cancer after my mother, and outlived her own daughter. But she hasn't done much living from that point on that wasn't in this hospital.

Annie had cared for my mother, Maya Kelly, before my grandmother. And me as well. That was how she knew me. She almost knew me better than I knew myself.

I hadn't seen my grandmother for so long because it really was painful. She looked almost the same as my mother did, before she died. I didn't want to imagine one person I loved condemned to that fate. And I didn't want to watch her as she neared it.

Now I had no choice because she was here. But I was okay with it. "Hi Grandma." I says softly.

Author's Note:
Sorry the chapter's so short!