A Love as Hard as This

Chapter 5

Richelle's Perspective:

Now I'm at my house, sitting on my bed, crying. I'm crying because Noah called me Riche. No one ever used to call me that, except 2 people. And it hurts to hear, now that they're both gone.

He was only calling me that because he wanted me to know that he likes me, he must've decided that he should try and get me to like him back. It's not going to work, it can't.

Even though he's not as annoying anymore, and he's a amazing dancer, and a really nice person, things between us will never be. And that's that. Nothing will ever change that, no matter how hard he tries.

I think that's what he's going to do...try. He was trying to be flirty, trying to get me to like him more. It won't work, it can't. Even if I want it to.

Even though I want to dance with him forever. Even though I want to be with him, forever. I can't.

I realized today that I like him too.

I shouldn't.

But I do.

But I shouldn't.

Every time I think about him, my heart skips a beat. Every time we were dancing together was amazing, I'd never felt that amount of chemistry with anyone, and I'd done plenty of duets.

No one has ever made me feel this way. I wish I didn't have to pretend that I hate him, I wish that we could be together. We just can't.

Because of my secret. The secret that I've been keeping for half of my life. The reason that I can't be nice to anyone, the reason that dance comes first, the reason that Noah and I can never be.

Even if I admitted the reason to him, things still wouldn't work out. He might hate me, he might want nothing to do with me ever again, but he'll probably just pity me. For me, that's worse.

It's worse to have people pitying you because they think you're not strong enough to deal with things on you're own. That's exactly the opposite of me. I am strong enough. That's why I dealt with everything on my own, including my secret.

That's reason number one that Noah and I can never be together. He'll pity me if I ever tell him, which I'll never do. Reason number two is that I might somehow lose dance.

Dance is the one constant thing in my life. It's the only thing that got me though. When I had nothing else, I poured my heart into dance, and it got me through the pain. Being an amazing dancer—if not the best—is all I have.

If I started dating Noah, it might get in the way of my dancing. That would hurt me more than anything else ever could. If I was ever taken off just one dance, it would break me.

The the third reason is that I would never be strong enough to deal with him breaking my heart. I've had my heart broken too many times already.

When your heart breaks, it feels like a part of you is missing. I've lost multiple pieces already. I wouldn't be able to lose one more. Especially not Noah.

I fall for him more every second of every day since I met him. It's going to get so much harder to stay away from him. But I have to. But what if I can't?

I'm afraid.