A Love as Hard as This

Chapter 42

Richelle's Perspective:

"Hi, Richelle," she said in a low, raspy voice. "How're you doing?"

"I'm...uh, okay... I guess. I assume you know what happened?" I responded. I knew she would say yes, Annie would've told her, and I didn't mind. My grandma was one of the only people I did trust.

"Yes, hun. I do. Why would you hide that from everyone?" she asked, her gaze truly wondering the answer.

"Because, I didn't want them to know. I didn't want pity, I didn't want resentment. I'm only 17, and with the situation I've been going through, the situations I've always gone through, those are the only reactions I'll get." That was the truth, the whole truth. With one thing missing. I was so used to keeping secrets, and having people betray my trust whenever I told them anything, that I never ended up opening up to people. I didn't feel like they deserved it.

Noah did deserve it, though. I felt un unnerving amount of guilt keeping everything from him. I knew that he would never get mad at me, or yell at me for what I've done. He would never give me anything but pity. Which was not what I needed. That would hurt me almost more than resentment would.

"Richelle, you don't need to be so strong all the time. You can be weak when you have other people around you to be strong for you. Let other people help you, you don't have to do everything yourself."

"But I do." I commented. "I do. I need to do everything myself, it's all I know how to do."

"But maybe you can let other people do things sometimes?" she pondered. Tapping Annie's arm to get her attention, she gestured over to me, signaling that she wanted to be brought closer. Once she was near me, she put my arm onto her shoulder and brought me into a warm embrace with her weak arms.

"I don't know. Maybe eventually."

"You have to, darling. That will help you in life. That's my one piece of advice for you." Grandma smiled warmly at me, enticing me with the shine in her eyes.

I returned her grin. "I'll try."

Noah then walked in, and his eyes immediately turned glossy when he gazed at my face. "What, Noah?"

Grandma, who hadn't noticed he was here until I'd said so, turned her wheelchair around in surprise. "Oh, hello."

"Uh, hi.." Noah said to her. He then turned to me again. "Riche, you look so happy." I knew that he knew I was. I was happy. I was okay with everything at this very moment, and mad at nearly nothing.

"I am." I nearly started crying too at those words. Realizing that I was happy, for the first time in years, was breathtaking. An unusual, but almost perfect experience.

After staring at each other for a moment, wordlessly showing our love for each other, my grandmother cleared her throat. "So, Noah, is it?"

"Yeah. And you are?" Noah asked, puzzled. I sighed, forgetting that I hadn't told him.

"Her grandmother. I've lived here for years." she answered blatantly, but kindly just the same.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I—I had no idea," Noah sputtered.

"Don't worry about it. You can call me Maya. You know, my daughter was named after me as well. Richelle's mother," I assumed from her tone she was trying to fill him in. I cringed slightly at the mention of my mother, but quickly recovered, gaining back my joyful mood.

"Wow, I didn't actually know her mom's name," he chuckled. "It's pretty."

"It is," I agreed. "Extremely pretty. My mom broke the trend, naming me something different." By that point, we were all giggling.

"Hey, yours is beautiful too," Noah defended. A faint bit of warmth grew on my cheeks, and I knew I was blushing.

We all talked for longer, simply enjoying each other's company. Noah stayed by the door, I assumed it was because he didn't want to intrude. When my grandma left, we took one last look at each other, mutually knowing that we most likely wouldn't see each other again.

Noah turned to me, an intuitive look on his face. "Look, I never told you about her because," I started, "because her situation is difficult here. It's hard to talk about."

To my immense surprise, he accepted the bland answer right away. Then I felt a sudden twinge of pain.

I gasped, trying to hide it but failing. Clutching where it hurt, I looked up at Noah, who was hovering over me, a pained expression on his face. He didn't know what to do.

Luckily, the doctor came within seconds. "Does it hurt?" he asked, getting out his chart.

"What do you think?" I responded sarcastically, through almost no breath.

"It's going to hurt like that for a little, sorry, but other than that, you seem to be fine. You can definitely go home in a couple days."

I was overjoyed with that answer. Home. I missed home. Even though it was just me there, home was where I liked to be. By myself, surrounded by familiar rooms and furniture, was what I cherished most.

"And in about two weeks you can try to dance again." My heart filled with longing and I nearly squealed at the words. "But just try warming up first, please, and doing things a little easier. You won't be doing complete training at your old level for at least 3 months."

I was a little sad, but more excruciatingly happy. I could dance again, and even though it wasn't for a while, there was still hope.

"Richelle?" a quiet voice then said from the door, which was odd. I was used to that voice being met with authority and announcements.

"Hi, Emily," I said. The doctor quickly nodded and left the room, but Noah stayed beside me on my bed. "Why're you here?"

"Why am I here? I should've come sooner, Richelle, I'm so sorry, this was all my fault." Emily had little tears in her eyes and she was fighting them back as she spoke.

"It's okay. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's fault but mine." I responded. I put my hand on Noah's arm, gesturing to him as I says the next part. "I should've listened to everyone that told me not to dance. I was stupid. Not either of you."

"But I should've pushed harder you make sure you didn't dance," Noah mumbled. It was clear that it wasn't meant for me to hear, but I did.

"Noah, you couldn't have done anything. I was stubborn, I didn't let you help and I should have. I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry." Emily and Noah said in unison. Then we all looked at each other and laughed grimly, and Noah pulled us in for a group hug.