Why is Everything so Loud?! (Fem. Percy)

Bandages

I groaned and rolled over, tossing my arm over my eyes to block out the light filtering through my curtains. The bed creaked. I didn't- My eyes opened and I snapped upright. Before I did anything, though, a hand rested on my head.

"Just me," said Dad.  Tired eyes looked down at me and his hand didn't move.

My breath caught in my throat. It wasn't a dream. It wasn't a dream. 

Shit. This- This was bad. So, so bad. He's going to think I- Fuck. My hands curled tight, nails digging into the flesh of my palms. It wasn't enough. The dull pain that caused was nowhere near what I wanted, what I needed. I was choking on my own breath. Inhales seemed impossible, like an anchor was resting on my chest and keeping it from expanding. It shouldn't have been hard. Why was it hard? 

Dad rubbed my head. "Breathe."

I shook my head. Can't. I can't. As much as I wanted to, and I really did want to get rid of the burning of my lungs, the only thing I could think of doing was clawing at my skin. Maybe that would make it stop. If I tore a hole in my throat then I might be able to breath. But that would make him even more upset and then he'd really want to tell Mom. And- I whined.

"I know," he hushed. A rough hand slipped around my wrist. The material of his shirt was smooth against my palm. It did nothing to distract from the rise of his chest as Dad inhaled. Finally, under his stare, I choked in a breath. "There you go. You're doing good." He tapped his fingers against the back of my hand. "Now breath out."

I followed his instructions, slowly exhaling. After that, my breathing came easier. No longer was it painful. Uneasy, yes. It was still hard to draw in a deep breath. But it didn't  burn. It wasn't my muscles being frozen in place, just normal, anxious breathing. 

The time I spent to steady my breathing, I also spent looking at Dad. He wasn't looking at me anymore. It almost seemed like he was...like he didn't want to look at me. Waving his hand, rolls of bandages appeared. With a soft sigh, Dad began wrapping my arms.

"This isn't-"

"Necessary?" he asked. "I know. I managed to heal all of them, but I never said I was doing this for you." The cloth was tight. Dad's hands glowed blue, as did the edges of the bandages. "I'm not going to let you hurt yourself while you're here. I- I might've just offered you alternatives, but you lost so much blood last night. I don't want to take chances." 

I pressed my lips together and offered him my other arm. He would've grabbed it. At least this way I had some mockery of freedom. The same blue glow appeared and then I pulled my hands back. The bed creaked under me. I let my gaze wander onto the navy blue blankets. Just a weapon, I reminded myself. I'm a weapon, nothing more. He just doesn't want to lose a weapon. None of them did. Chiron, Dad, Zeus, all of them just wanted me because I'm useful. 

"Come here," said Dad. His arms were open for a hug, but his shoulders hunched in the longer he looked at me. Pain, so much pain flashed over his features. I knew why. it wasn't hard to know why. I wasn't living up to whatever standards he had for me. Everything that had happened, it was piling up and up and up. He would want rid of me soon. "Baby." He shifted and leaned towards me, cupping my face. "I just want to help you."

"What if I don't want help?" I snapped.

"Little one."  

"No! You don't get to tell me-" I yelped as I was pulled towards him. His arms wrapped around me like a cage. I froze. My mind was blank. Why was- Why was he doing this?

"Little one," he repeated. "I can't force help on you, but that doesn't change the fact that I want to help you." He sighed, breath breezing over my hair. "Talk to me, please. Even if you won't accept help, can you trust me enough to talk to me?"

"You'll just tell Mom."

Dad went quiet. It seemed as though everything stopped. Even the sound of his heartbeat vanished. No matter how long time stretched on, he never denied it. 

"That's what I thought."

Fingers pulled through my hair and Dad kissed my forehead. Without a word he rested his head atop mine. I sat there, still trapped, still waiting for him to let me go. He didn't. He never loosened his grip or made any move to pull away. "I love you," said Dad. "I know why you doubt me, but I love you and I just want you to be happy." Silence for a second. "I need to tell your mother."

And there it was. Right after- Why is this surprising me? He's a god. He doesn't care. I'm a bug, something inconsequential. My opinions mean nothing.  "No."

"You nearly died, Percy. If I hadn't...If I hadn't gotten that message, you would be dead."  His voice wavered. "I would've gotten a message from Chiron telling me that you killed yourself. Or I never would've been told. I would've only found out during your funeral. You're my baby, Percy. You have no idea how much this is hurting to have my little girl do this. To feel like you have to do this. I want you to be able to come to me when you need help. You could've called me before you even started and I would've come to help you."

That's something so easy to say when the moment has already passed. I would have helped you move, I would have bought you that, so many are things you can say you'd do, without ever planning to do them. Meaningless platitudes. 

Gods seem all too good at those.

It's uh...It's crap

But tiredness is fun. and so is college.

Anyway, enjoy

See yah