Why is Everything so Loud?! (Fem. Percy)

Pegasi are Better than Gods

I pulled away from Dad and stared at the floor. He sighed and gently rubbed my back.

"I want to help you, but you'll need to let me try."

My eyes flicked to the bandaids on my arms. He doesn't understand. He can never understand. I'm not upset because of what I've done to myself, of how I cope. I'm upset because he found out.

I swallowed. "What...what if I don't want help?"

"What? Percy, why wouldn't you want help?"

"It's the only thing that helps. It's the only thing that makes me feel something. It's the only thing that let's me forget about everything. I..." I crossed my arms, fingers digging into my skin. "It makes me feel good."

Dad clenched his jaw. "It might make you feel better, but there are others way to deal with this. Ways that don't involve you hurting yourself."

"You think I haven't tried other things?" I mumbled, getting up. I looked under my bed and pulled out a notebook. I flipped it open, revealing scrawled notes full of  profanity and tirades all of which stopped abruptly.  The further in the notebook I went, the deeper the writing was gouged. At one point the pages were mangled, full of holes from where my pencil tore through the page. "Journals, drawing, throwing myself into training, everything. At some point I convinced myself I just need to suffer, that it's my punishment."

"There's nothing that you've done that you need to be punished for."

"You can say that, it doesn't make it true." I sighed. "Nothing's worked except for this. I usually feel like there's a black hole gnawing at the pit of my stomach. Hurting myself hurts a little bit, but feeling pain is better than feeling nothing."

That's why I lied. That's why I didn't tell him about the ones on my thighs or my calves or the ones on my stomach. If he thinks I stopped, he'll leave me alone and he'll forget about it and he'll stop looking at me like he was. His eyes were sad, full of pity.

I didn't want pity. I wanted attention from him, but not like this. I just wanted a note or something. Not an overprotective god who's going to tell Mom and Paul and they'll try to get me help but a therapist won't help because, hello, can't exactly talk about the gods or falling into literal hell without being put in the looney bin. And then I'll just feel worse because Mom tries so hard and I can't...

I can't do anything right.

I can't get good grades. I can't focus. I can't keep my room clean. I can't train campers anymore. I can't remember what people have told me. I can't even keep people I care about safe.

"Child, look at me." Dad rested his hand on my shoulder. "You have done nothing wrong. All you have done is made me proud. Not right now, but most everything else you have done makes me proud to be your father."

I scoffed. "Yeah, says the guy who called me a mistake."

"I have never once called you a mistake. I have admitted I was in the wrong for breaking the oath and helping bring you into this world."

"Newsflash, that's basically calling me a mistake. Oh and you can't forget the whole part about you being sorry I was born. Because I sure as Hades haven't forgotten that."

Dad gently squeezed my shoulder. "I also said you are a true child of the sea, a true daughter of Poseidon."

"I've met my siblings and I'm really wondering what exactly being your kid means. Because over half of them are assholes, another quarter of them are jerks, an eighth of them are murder-happy, and a sixteenth of them are almost decent people. Then we have Tyson tacked on the end as the singular percentage who is nice, sweet, and innocent. So tell me, Dad, what exactly does that mean?"

He stared at me. After a minute had passed without an answer, I grabbed my jacket.

"I'm going to go sit with Blackjack. At least I know he'll leave me alone."

Dad didn't try to stop me and even if anyone in camp would have tried to talk to me, the look on my face probably would have scared them off. It didn't take me long to walk into the stables and find Blackjack.

Hey, Boss. We going somewhere?

"Nope. I just wanted to hang out with my favorite Pegasus." I offered him a small smile. "Mind if I sit?"

Will me saying no stop you?

"Not in the slightest."

Blackjack stretched out a wing and let me get comfortable before folding it over me. Did something happen?

"You could say that." I sighed. "Can we not talk? I just want to take a nap and I know Dad wasn't about to let me to."

Sure thing, Boss.

I settled against Blackjack, moving so he could fix his wing into a more comfortable position. My eyes drifted shut, but before I could fall asleep I could feel someone watching me.

"Stop being a creep, Dad." I mumbled. "Let me sleep."

He didn't leave and I opened my eyes to find Athena staring down at me.

"Hi." I offered a small wave. "What do you want?"

"Nothing, aside from taking a break from my children. I assume you are taking a break from your father?"

"What can I say, I like pegasi better than people."

You know what since Athena was in here I want to tell you something fun.

You know how people say that Medusa was raped and Athena was protecting her?

Nope. For multiple reasons.

That version was written by Ovid. A guy who didn't like the gods and was writing his stuff to deify Caesar and his descendants. Actual mythology came second.

Medusa was not a mortal in the sense that her parents were. Her and her two sisters were children of a titan. They were collectively known as the Gorgons.

She was a priestess of Athena in some myths, but in others she wasn't. Either way Poseidon seduced her and they did the dirty in Athena's temple cause he was still salty about losing Athens. Atalanta who did this was turned into a lionness.

And finally. Look at other women who have been raped/almost in Greek myths. Daphne was turned into a tree, a different girl Poseidon tried to rape was turned into a bird, the girl in the Hunt Zeus raped was turned into a bear. The gods will turn them into plants or animals. Not curse them to turn everything that looks at them to stone.

And finally,because of the whole "medusa goes and hides in a cave as to not to bother anyone, people come bother her" thing. She roamed the countryside. Her sisters, who were already immortal usually, end up looking like her and they kill a bunch of people.

So in conclusion. Don't victimize the monsters in stories. You don't see me defending Bluebeard, from a fairy tale where he slit his wives throats because they looked in a room. Or the Evil Queen who tried to murder a seven year old. That's right folks. In the fairy tale, Snow white is seven years old.

And since this note is now super long, which I apologize for

See yah