Why is Everything so Loud?! (Fem. Percy)

They're All The Same

I pushed food around my plate, fork scraping against it. I took a couple bites, but I lost my appetite after that, not that I had much of one to begin with.

Soon enough lunch was over, the harpies gathered up the plates, and I stood up.

"Percy," Chiron said, placing a hand on my shoulder. "I need to talk to you." He didn't sound happy.

"Sure, what about?"

"Perhaps it would be best to talk about this in the Big House."

I swallowed and nodded. We walked in silence until we stood in the living room. Chiron draped a cloth over Seymour.

"Does that work?" I asked.

"Surprisingly well. Sit down." I sat down and watched him as he closed the door and locked it. He sighed and sank into his wheelchair. "I'm worried about you."

Panic fluttered in my chest. "Why?" Did he see the bloodstain on the floor, or did he see one of the bandages around my arms?

"Percy, you barely touch your food. I haven't seen you eat a full meal in the last few weeks. Honestly, I have no idea how you haven't passed out yet."

I almost sighed in relief. "Chiron, I'm fine. Trust me."

"When was the last time you ate a full meal?" he asked.

I swallowed and looked at my hands. "I just don't have much of an appetite anymore. Like, I eat when I'm hungry, but it doesn't exactly line up with mealtimes. I keep a bunch of food in my cabin so if I get hungry I can get something to eat."

I expected him to yell at me. I braced myself for the inescapable Hades of dish duty or cleaning the stables without powers. A hand rested on my head. My eyes widened and I glanced up. Chiron had, at some point, wheeled over. It was his hand that nestled itself in my hair.

"You should've said something. I'll keep some food set apart for you, or perhaps I could arrange to put an enchanted plate in your cabin?"

"No!"

My outburst shocked him; he withdrew his hand. "Perseus."

"Sorry, I'm sorry. I just- I'm fine. There's nothing to worry about. I'm fine." I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. The words spun around my head, no, they weren't just words, they were lies. The same lie told over and over again so I'd one day believe it.

"Percy, I need you to look at me."

"No. You just want me to."

"Perseus, look at me." Chiron tried to force my chin up, but I held firm. He sighed. "My girl, I can't help you if you won't tell me what's wrong."

He's only asking because it's what he's expected to do. If he didn't he'd get yelled at by one of the gods, probably Dad. Did Dad tell him? I know he tried to tell Mr D- Did he tell Chiron? Is that why-

Chiron's hand wasn't something of comfort any longer. My body decided it was a threat, it was something to get away from, but I sat frozen. Ever part of my body screamed at me to do something different. Which one did I listen to? Could I listen to any of them?

No.

Each breath came out chopped and ragged, tears beginning to well in my eyes. Staring at my hands only led to their shaking becoming worse, so I closed my eyes.

This couldn't be happening. All of my other panic attacks were in the middle of the night, so why was I having one right now? Right in front of Chiron?

"Percy, my girl, I need you to listen to me. You're having a panic attack," Chiron said, but his words were lost in my garbled thoughts. His hands gripped my wrists, and, though I tried to pull away, he didn't let go. A whimper broke past my lips. My arms were freed. I heard a switch flip, and something soft draped over my shoulders.

"You can stay in here as long as you need. I'll be back with some food. Mr D is on the porch if you need him, though I suggest you ask anyone else for help first. He's still upset he lost our pinochle game earlier."

He was only gone for five minutes, but it felt like hours.

The panic seemed to pile on heavier as the door closed behind him. I fell to my side, curled into a sniveling ball.

See? Everyone will leave you if they find out how you really are. Chiron's probably calling Mom and telling her how pathetic you are. Annabeth left after that display of power, she could've called out to you but she'd rather die than see you use that power again.

What would the others say if they found out about what you did? That you enjoyed choking a goddess? That you're a wolf in sheep's clothing? What would they do if you turned against them?

What could they do?

That question ran laps through my head, leading me deeper into the spiralling abyss of my thoughts. I didn't notice that Chiron came back until a plate of steaming food was placed down with a sharp clink. He gently shook me.

"Are you calm enough to eat?" he asked.

"Not hungry."

Chiron folded his legs under himself and his hands hovered over me, most likely from not knowing if I would regress back into my panicked state. "Are you okay?"

I nodded and sat up, swallowing back the last remnants of the attack. "Yeah, that was-" I paused. "-weird. Sorry about that, Chiron."

"Do you know what triggered the attack?"

I shook my head. "I don't think it was really a panic attack." I almost felt bad for lying, but my earlier thoughts came back at full force. "I get really oversensitive to everything when I'm tired and I haven't been sleeping well and-" Tears were falling down my face as I rambled.

"I see what you mean." Chiron chuckled. "Try to eat as much as you can, okay? We can't have you doing this in front of the others."

I nodded, but clenched my jaw. I'm just another weapon, and Chiron's just like the gods. They're all the same.

Chapter, done!

And I have to do some stupid meeting thing for my remote orientation so I'm stuck in town while my moms at dialysis.

Yay

What do you guys want to see next?

I ask so I actually update

See yah