Why is Everything so Loud?! (Fem. Percy)

Loathing, of the Self Variety

"I really am pathetic."

The mug thunked on the coffee table. I sighed and covered my face with my hands. The blanket slipped down. My fingers curled, closed around strands of my disheveled hair. I could hear the words still, but did I even say them? They echoed around my head. They bounced and frolicked, mocking me, but did they ever meet the small bubble of air? 

Ceramic rattled against the table. The couch shifted. Everything was shaking. Rocks, debris, they pattered off of me. My elbows dug into my knees. Hard bone met flesh. I wished it was metal. I had Riptide, I could've pulled it out. But then Dad would put those bandages back on. And he's already pissed.

My hair strained, pulling against my scalp as I tugged on it. Not hard. Not hard enough to change things. I could only swallow back my bile, bury my nails in my skin, and dwell in my thoughts. Pressure surrounded my arms. I ground my teeth into my cheek, slammed a hand against my thigh. Again, again, again. Each strike came faster and faster, until each blow send jagged pain through my body. That fought things back. The tightness abated for a moment. 

They weren't on me. They weren't there,. And I knew that, so why? Why could I feel them?

"What do you think you're doing?!" Triton demanded, voice echoing. I shrunk in on myself. Anger radiated, filling the room. My skin crawled, the hairs on the back of my neck rose. And then it vanished. "Percy?"His tone had lightened, fury turning to concern. He stepped into the bubble of air around me, and bright blue water shoes came into my vision. "Hey, no, don't do that--" His hand locked around my wrist; I stared at it and blinked. 

I looked at Triton, and I hiccuped. Reaching up, I silently begged for a hug. I couldn't-- shouldn't --say it. So instead I stared up at him, tears brimming over, one arm raised. He didn't have to. Really, he didn't. 

But when he knelt on the floor and pulled me towards him, I clung. His hands rubbed against my back. A soft noise, and really I couldn't describe it further, left his lips. "Little sister-"

Maybe it was supposed to be calming. But every muscle in my body contracted. My crying stopped. One of my hands curled in my shirt, nails raking the skin under the thin material.

Triton growled. Arm tightening, he pulled me harder against him. "You are my sister, got that?" Swallowing, I nodded. Triton exhaled. "Olympians, I know I'm an ass, but that doesn't change the fact that what I told you before is true. I'm not going to hurt you."

"That's what they all say," I mumbled.

"Do you want me to go get Dad?" I picked at the hem of my shirt, watching the fabric fall back. Agitation churned the water around us. "Okay, how about, do you want me to go tell Dad you were hurting yourself?" That was a threat. I'd heard enough of them through the years to recognize one when I heard it. And was it really a surprise? No shock raced through me, no disbelief. Just acceptance. He's the same as all the others.

"Go ahead." I pushed away from him. The palace shook once again, far, far harder than last time. Likewise, tremors shook my hands, my frame. I didn't know how I was standing, and Triton stared at me with wide eyes. His mouth hung open a tiny bit, his eyebrows knitted together. 

I wished he would stop looking at me like that. The person peering through a microscope, he'd see everything. A soft curse fell from his mouth, and before I knew what happened, I was scooped into his arms. Struggling, I kicked and lashed never able to break free. Pain pulled at my shoulders. I went limp. Still, the burning, fiery pain didn't stop. It was only luck that kept him from bringing the water around us, only luck that kept me from whimpering. 

But with everything, there's a trade-off and honestly, I would've taken whimpering. At least that's easier to hide. 

"Sh, it's okay," soothed Triton. "We're almost there." He didn't say where there was. Could've been a monster lair. Could've decided to feed me to a sea serpent and finally be rid of me. I'd deserve that, so I couldn't blame him. Not when the offer lurked in the back of my mind, poison threatening to corrupt me.