Why is Everything so Loud?! (Fem. Percy)

Parakalo

The doorknob rattled. Annoying, grating, too loud for the silence it was breaking. I couldn't look away. My eyes were fixated as I rocked myself. The cold stones pressed against my back. The basement would be nice. Safer, darker. Julia could wrap her tail around me and hug me. If they decided to torture me again, it would be worth it for the quiet. 

The sharp edges of my nails dug into my skin. No. No. Idiot. Quiet's not worth the torture. It's not. My hands jolted down and skin peeled. They'd kill you. The monsters couldn't be better than the gods, because then Luke would have been right. He'd have died for nothing. Every death I caused would be worthless.

They already were.

I sobbed. Shaking, bloodied fingers trailed over my cheeks. Useless little freak. Freak. Freak. Freak. Mouthing the words, I tried to will them into the air. If I could speak, I could scream. And I wanted to scream. Scream until my throat gave out and every bit of me was gone and lost, consumed by the void and erased from memory.

Erased. My scratching slowed, as the word tumbled around in my mind. I felt it over, turned it like a pretty rock. ER-rased. Er-RASED. It sounded so, so good. Felt good. A good word. A happy word, as Mom used to call them. Those words I'd repeat over and over.

Riptide pressed hard into my hip. I drew the pen out and flicked off the cap. Ink can't really be erased, not unless you have an erasable pen. But cross things out enough times...and the words lose all meaning.

I wanted to be erased.

The long, glowing, bronze blade rested along my forearm. A little pressure and blood began to bead around its edge. Sucking in a deep breath, I closed my eyes and pulled. It burned, and the scent of iron filled the air, leaving a metallic tang on my tongue. Riptide clattered on the floor. Erased, I mouthed, bobbing my head. Erased.

I giggled. Everything would be over, and everything would be better. Maybe Annabeth would hug me. Or--Or Beckendorf! He always gave good hugs, warm ones, and he knew when to be quiet or to not touch me. Riptide's blade seemed to shimmer, reflecting in the blood puddle. It would be smart to pick it up, to slice my other wrist, but I felt good. Why ruin it by fussing?

My eyes slipped closed again, just as the door slammed open.

"Triton, get one of the healers. Now." Dad's breathing was fast. Panicked. Another good word, but not as fun. The n so close to the p ruined it. Too hard. So were the hands pressed to my face and neck. "Still- still alive. Percy, baby, can you hear me?" Why did he care? They fell away. "Little one. Paidi mou, parakalo."

I cracked my eyes open. My vision swam. 

"I need--- Daddy needs to pick you up. Okay? Can you let Daddy do that?" My fingers twitched and curled into the open wound.  "Don't--"

I pressed myself further into the wall, eyes wide, visions black at the edges. His hand froze in mid-air.

"I'm...not going to hurt you." Even through the haze, I could make out the teeth marks in his skin. A ring that looked like some eel or leech had latched on. Tiny pin-pricks. Gold streaked his arm like paint. "It didn't hurt me," he soothed. "And even if it did, I'm not going to hit you for it. I will never hit you, little one."  Lie. Lie. If you wanted a god to keep his word, it needed to be an oath. 

He scooted closer. His knees almost touched mine. There wasn't a way to escape. My hand weakly fluttered. It was the only sign of my creeping anxiety; the slowing rate of my heart pulsed in my ears. Had he finally gotten fed up?

"Can I look at your arms, baby? It's---It's not good that you're bleeding this much. Just let Daddy take care of you, okay?"

I wanted to snap at him. I'm not a baby. I'm not helpless. Everything would be better if he'd just leave me alone. I wanted this, and he wasn't-- He's---

I want Chiron. It bounced in my head. Tea and blankets and those stupid records. Why did it sound nice? Tears slipped down my face. I didn't put up a fight as Dad scooped me into his arms. He was warm. I hadn't realized how cold I was--enough shivers crawled up my body-- until I pressed against him like a newborn kitten.

"Sorry," I slurred. Was I actually talking?" Blood smeared across the front of his shirt. Glowing eyes dipped to me. I wiggled. It didn't do much aside from making the red deeper. My fingers brushed the fabric. "Got--Got blood on you."

Dad hushed me and loosened his grip enough to touch my face. His pace didn't slow. "Doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, baby. I need you to stay awake, okay? Just-- Stay awake for me, and I'll make sure to go get you some ice cream? I don't-" He cursed. "I don't know what you like. If you don't like that, then I can get you more stuffed animals?"  

The lights were annoying, blurring as Dad rushed somewhere. I closed my eyes and his voice pitched into panic. It sounded like a layer of cotton rested over my ears. My head lolled against his chest.

Erased.

Hello!

And welcome to me changing this chapter half way through writing it. I hope you liked it and remember to leave a vote and/or a comment (And maybe check out the alt PoV book where I posted a Chiron chapter?)

See yah!