Why is Everything so Loud?! (Fem. Percy)

Undoing What Has Been Done

Alone in my room, in the dark emptiness, shuddering and trembling, I dug my nails into my arms. Jagged edges bit deep into the tender skin. Deeper and deeper, until I couldn't get them further. Warm, red blood coated my fingers. I watched it drip. 

Why did I say that? (Why did I remind him?)

The horse stared at me with round eyes and a soft expression. My stomach twisted. It did nothing wrong. Soft blue wisps curled off its fur before fading in the air. I flung it away. It wouldn't be something simple. It wouldn't just be a thing to tell him if someone tries to take me. 

He doesn't care about me as a person to have it as that. If he did, he wouldn't have left. You--you don't leave after something like that. I doubled over, pressing my forehead to the mattress. I sobbed. Scratch by scratch, the burning came back. Red stained the sheets. Everything he'd done for me, I undid. Weapon, my mind whispered like a taunt. Bile rose in the back of my throat. 

I wheezed and slid off my bed. A few drachmas sat in a bowl, and they rattled against the ceramic before clinking together in my pocket. My nails scraped over my scalp. I didn't know how I was going to get away---Dad probably told the guards to watch for me---but I needed to leave. I couldn't keep--I wouldn't let them keep using me. 

Julia could help me figure something out. By the time I wandered the halls, the blood on my arms had clotted. Cold stones pressed against my feet. Left. Left. I followed the walls like I was in the Labyrinth. It wouldn't help me, my thoughts were clouded and I lost track of how many turns I'd made. In truth, I couldn't afford to try to clear my head. Couldn't afford to feel more than the empty buzz. There was something I wanted, but it wasn't there. 

Dad's aura split around me. It didn't curl or twine around me, didn't brush my skin or cradle me. And if I reached for it, if I pushed myself into the corners where it lingered, would it reject me?

The thought of that made me want to jump off the cliff again.

The corridors were empty, old, and barely lit. No fish swam through, no councilmen poked their heads through doors. The enchantments pushed at me. I shivered. You don't belong here, they hissed, you aren't welcome. Swallowing, I pushed further. Hostility grew as the walls got darker, smoother, and worn with cracks. Shadowed halls split off, a tempting echo issuing from some. My fingers curled and I walked a little faster past those. 

An arch at the end of the hall opened into a large hall. Stained glass windows stretched towards the ceiling. Colors danced over the floor, spilling on mosaics and images. I stepped carefully on each piece. That's a whale, and there's a sea serpent. Once in the center of the room, I stretched out my hand, turning it to watch the colors dance on my skin. 

It was...quiet. 

No whispers of power, no watchful eyes. When I pushed the rest of the water away, there was no sense of wrongness. Whatever this place was, it had been forgotten by the gods. I sucked in a breath. There has to be a way outside from here. My thumb rubbed over a drachma. 

Really, I didn't have a choice. And if I did, what other option was there?

I walked around, looking for a spot where the colors laid out a rainbow. Most of the glass was green and blue, but there were splashes of reds and yellows. Some of the windows were things I recognized, like Mount Olympus, but there were others I didn't. Finally, after circling the room, twice, and squinting at the blurring between shades, I found a spot on the white water curling around a sea serpent. 

Was I really going to do this? 

Was I really going to turn to the monsters who tortured me?

The coin shone in the light. I held my hand out, hovering above the rainbow.