Why is Everything so Loud?! (Fem. Percy)

Glass Shards, Running Blood, and Sacrifices

I sifted through the trashcan until my fingers closed around a larger shard of glass. I pulled it out. Moonlight glinted off of its sharp edge. I turned it around and around, eyes trained on the smudges of blood already staining it, visible in the light bother filtering through the window and reflecting from the abalone walls.

I swallowed and places it over my wrist. It was cold. My skin dipped where the cool glass pressed against my skin.

Fear welled inside of me, and I almost tossed the piece back in the trash. Key word being almost. The urge to feel anything other than this overwhelming emptiness overpowered any hesitation I had.

I drew the glass across my wrist. It stung. I pressed harder. This time, blood began flowing.

By the time I sat the glass aside, blood formed a small puddle on the floor. I stared at the still bleeding cuts, a small smile on my face. I can feel something. I can feel something.

Sighing, I stood up and grabbed the med kid. At least all of the cabins have these. I wrapped bandages around my arms and my hands. They were tight and I clenched my jaw. I put the med kit away.

I laid back down, with no intention of falling asleep. Unfortunately, I did.

On the bright side. I didn't have a nightmare. The next time I woke up was when the conch blew for breakfast.

"Schist." I rolled out of bed. I rushed to change and shoved my arms into a jacket, one of the ones with the thumb holes.

The rest of camp was already at the dining pavilion when I made it there. I grabbed my food and jumped in line. I occasionally glanced at Chiron, though those glances became more frequent and at most people the closer I drew to the fire.

When it was my turn, I quickly scraped nearly all of my meal into the fire. Only a few pieces of food remained on my plate and I pushed those pieces around until the harpies came to collect our plates.

I don't think anybody noticed, which was good. Though it's not like anybody would care even if they did notice.

The arena was void of kids. A frown crossed my features. Where are- Oh, right. I shoved them off on other people.

Just like the gods do.

No. I'm not like the gods, I shook my head. I don't force other to solve my problems. The only reason I made those campers switch weapons is because of what the other trainer did.

The thought didn't erase the guilt building in my stomach. The cuts seemed to burn and I tugged at my sleeves, making sure the bandages were hidden from view.

For some reason, parts of the day seemed to pass quickly, moments like now when I was left to my own devices, while other parts crawled on. Those were mainly things where I had to be around other people.

Lunch and dinner passed in the same fashion as breakfast, with most of my meal being sacrificed. I ate a little more than I did earlier, enough to settle the sharp pangs of hunger.

Curfew came all too soon. It's weird, I want to be alone but I don't like lights out. Probably because it means I'd have to fall asleep at some point. No matter how hard I try, I can't stay up a straight twenty-four hours.

I sat on the floor again and grabbed the piece of glass. I looked at it and drew it across my skin a few times, savoring the sharp stinging pain and the feeling of blood running down my skin. As soon as I finished, I hid the piece of glass.

The routine continued for a couple of days, with the most variety being how much I ate, how much I slept, and where I drew the glass across.

Chiron hadn't mentioned anything to me, and I took that as a sign to continue, that nobody cared. And if no one noticed that I haven't eaten, they're idiots. So that means nobody cares. It means I deserve this.

It wasn't hard to convince myself I deserved what I was doing to myself, that I deserved the pain. All it took was the image of Bianca running towards Talos.

Eventually, the glass grew old, it wasn't as sharp or effective anymore. I don't know what happened, I probably dropped it. In the end I turned to Riptide as a substitute. It was perpetually sharp.

I hummed softly and changed for bed, not paying too much attention to my wounds. My bed was soft and I cuddled into my blankets.

I mumbled a quick prayer that I could sleep without interruption. It wasn't going to happen. If it did, I would honestly be surprised.

"I wonder what would have happened if I had become a goddess." I mumbled to myself, staring at the bunk above me.

I thought about it for a bit, before I shook my head. There's no use thinking about it. Dad may have said he would gladly make me immortal, that the gods offer still stood, but if i accepted that...he would make me a minor sea goddess. It's bad enough for me as a demigod to be afraid of the water. If I was a sea goddess and afraid of water, I would be a laughingstock.

Actually...

I would be now if anyone finds out I'm afraid of water. That's why no one can find out.

No one.

Well uh, this wasn't the greatest

I could barely keep my eyes open typing this

I'm gonna get food

See yah