Back To You [Completed] ✔

5. Not still true?

I threw myself to bed and closed my eyes replaying all that happened today after all the turmoil of feelings I had this morning I needed time to take a breath. This was the impossible...I never thought that I would meet him at any point in my life although I did hope and secretly wished for it now and then...but I never believed it would ever come true.

I certainly am a new component in Ed's life today but it's not the other way round. Although he was not a part of my life all these years he was a part of me and as I said he had a part in a very big plot in my life that is ...my break-up.

Finn was the only boyfriend I had after Ed. I met him in college, dated for 3 years. Initially, we were 'just friends' but eventually developed feelings for each other and then had a relationship. Things were good with him I was happy but the soft corner I had for Ed was not fading away no matter how hard I tried to forget him anything and everything that Finn used to do I always compared him to Ed, even after being apart from him I still believed in his love, affection, and dedication. I started to ask myself will someone ever love me the way he did. As time passed...all the bad phases of our relationship started to fade away from my memory....only the sweet memory we had was left that I remembered...not any arguments...not fights. Things Ed did to get me back made me hate him before but day by day I reasoned myself that whatever he did was just because he loved me. I started to love the way he loved me...the small soft corner gradually took room in my heart. All the feelings were a constant turmoil inside me which I couldn't have shared with anyone because it was absurd to have feelings for someone who is not even around and that too while being in a relationship, so I decided to bury this stupid secret of mine and carried onto my relationship with Finn.

After I got my confirmation for the job in New York I was clear in my head so I did what I had to do, I told Finn this long-distance relationship wouldn't work so let's break up and he did what I thought he would do. He said," we will make it work".

He was at my home, I was packing and arguing with him that we should end this and he was adamant at his side when out of my scattered belongings he found the letter. The letter I wrote long ago about everything I felt for Ed. Finn alleged Ed was the real reason I wanted to break up with him, I gave hundreds of explanations to convince him but he kept on believing that long distance was just an excuse. Lastly, he just asked me one question." Hazel.. I'll believe everything you are saying including that long distance is the reason you want to break up...just tell me that everything you wrote in this letter is not still true?"

I knew that one answer and our 3 years of relationship would come to a drastic end, Finn would never believe that I truly felt for him, and all my feelings, efforts, and time would prove nothing but I couldn't lie...couldn't lie about Ed. I stood there still, no word came out of my mouth and my silence was more than enough for Finn to understand.

And just like that my relationship that could've ended because of long distance, no bitter feelings for a lifetime ended because of Ed, my feelings for him that were never supposed to be disclosed that were never supposed to be in my heart.