Back To You [Completed] ✔

21. We were never meant to be

Ed must've been busy solving the mess I made, that is why 2 days have passed and he still hadn't found a way to let out his anger or disappointment or hate...anything. I am ashamed to admit it but...I am eager to witness all that.... his anger, his hate, just to know in the end that his relationship is over. I am ashamed to wish such a thing but after the wrangle with Ester, I would be relieved to know she walked out of Ed's life and I admit that I am selfish enough to think that there may be a chance at us. Because loving Ed is not what I am ashamed of.

I stepped out of the elevator and headed towards my apartment. A silhouette of a man appeared beside my door with light smoke around that smelled slightly of cigarette.

Ed.

I lessened the distance and stood in front of him.

"You told her" he looked at me with disillusioned eyes, crushing the cigarette under his shoes. "I trusted you and you told her."

"I...I know I did but"

"But what hazel" he chided "what is this cheap trick you are playing." He is damn angry.

"Ed...I wasn't planning to do so...Ester provoked me."

"Provoked you....bullshit" he yelled again.

"don't talk to me that way" I protested and restrain flashed in his face. I unlocked the door annoyed and walked in.

"what could she possibly say that provoked you so easily." He closed the door behind him and asked in a composure this time.

"that I am trying to wrap you around my finger...trying to ruin your relationship and that you belong with her."

"I don't believe you."

"then don't! but that's the truth. She said those words and I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand that she wears a mask around you and yet she is the one you want to be with and she was shoving it in my face when I know ....what it feels like to not have it even after longing it for years."

His eyes kept looking at me, gauging my words. Say something.

"I guess...she was right. You are trying to ruin my relationship."

"oh really! Did I succeed then?" I taunted with my crossed arms.

"no, you didn't. I told her everything that happened was a mistake. She understood and forgave me."

What? She forgave. She didn't break up?
Or ...this was what she wanted all along. She provoked me so that I said something that would turn Ed against me. it was clear that Ed would apologize and she forgave him. To appear placable and make him obliged. She did know how Ed looked at me. She knew if she left him he might be back with me and she did all of this to not make him do that.

"Can't you see? What kind of a girl she is. She did all this to have power over you. So that you don't leave her."

"you don't know her."  "and I am grateful she forgave me or I would've done anything for forgiveness."

"Bullshit"  "Tell me that a part of you wasn't relieved when she found out, a part of you wasn't relieved to know that she will leave you and you'll have a chance at us. Tell me."

There it was. The warmth in his eyes. That was more true than any of the words he will ever speak. This is what troubles Ester and this is what keeps me going, this is what makes me believe that what I am doing and what I am feeling is not one-sided.

"Why now Hazel? Why are you so adamant about the chance of us."

I looked down taking a breath. "since all this time...I reserved a small corner of my heart for you ....without any expectation. I thought I would find another man and live a happy life, knowing that ...that corner of my heart will always belong to you. But then...destiny crossed our paths...and ...and I knew...it was the sign that we were meant to be...and it's my way back to you."

"I once begged you to be with me and I suffocated you." He grumbled and I felt agitated that he still brought our past in between after all what I said.

"so this is what it's all about. You couldn't handle a rejection?" I squeaked and he shook his head in denial. "Yes. You suffocated me. We were both young and wanted different things. I didn't want either of us to change to be with each other. I didn't love you enough to even think of changing a thing for you. So I did what I thought was best for both of us. But now...now I have a different definition of love. No, I understand how important it is to have a relationship in which people are ready to change and grow with each other."

"And you thought that I'll be waiting for you till you understand a  different definition of love."
no. I know it sounds that way but... "Remember you told me that I would find a girl who'll love me as I am. Ester is that girl. I would never suffocate her."

"You've not once said that you love her." I cut him off by surprise.

"What?"

"you've always said that she loves you and you are happy with her . But you never said that you are happy with her because you love her."

He opened his mouth in an attempt to say something but he knew whatever he says will appear as a lie because he himself admitted that no one will ever make his heart beat like I did.

I moved closer to him. "I made the biggest mistake by not taking the step I should have the moment I fell for you again at the prom....now you have the chance to take that step. Tell Ester the truth and we could make the best of what our destiny has served us. Take that step."

"i cannot do this to her. I already cheated on her and it broke her yet she gave me another chance." His face showed there was a war going on inside his head. He ran a hand over his face. "she...she moved to a whole new city just to be with me. Would you ever change the side of the bed for me." shame and regret crept over his face as he realized that it was wrong to be demanding and I guess he was scared of what I might answer ...that I would never do that...or I am willing to do that. And both answers wouldn't help him. "I...I never want you to change. You taught me that. You need a person who is willing to give up his side of the bed for you." His lips made an effort to force a sad smile.
He started walking out, reached the knob of the door, and with his back towards me he said.
"Maybe ...destiny crossed our paths to show that no matter how much we hope...or how many times we run into each other...we were never meant to be."