Tamisra techno X oc X dream

~10~ old thoughts

song recommendation         Please Never Fall in Love Again  by:Ollie MN

When i got back from my little adventure in the forest i couldn't sleep. i was fine staying up all night me and techno would do it all the time. i wouldn't say it wasn't fun but it was enjoyable.

we would stay up talking about ways we would leave the village and travle the world. we would also read a lot of books together sometimes, he would read to me while i lay my head on his legs. even though he would protest and try to shove me off i didn't move. sometimes i would also read to him, while he would always be trying to find a new way to put his hair up.

but he would get to frustrated and threaten to cut his hair, i never wanted him to though i thought it was beautiful even though i would make fun of him. most of the time when i would read to him i ended up having to stop to help him either untangle his hair or give him a new hairstyle. no matter what i did though he would always stick with the low braid even if he sucked at doing them.

 one time i make him a half up half down bun with gold chains connecting from the dumb pig mask to the bun. i could tell he loved it so i never said anything he was honestly better at making the bun than the braid.

i have always loved him the first time i convinced myself i did was when i was 16 he was 17 techno was only older by a few months. i remember where and what we were doing when i convinced myself. we were staying up again this time we hadn't slept in around a week both of us were pretty tired. 

staying up never did anything to us though we would get tired around a week and a half but we got tired a bit faster because we both were training, just in case if we ever got split up when we planned of exploring the world we wanted to make sure we at least knew we can hold are own and for a 16 and 17 year old. a pretty amazing duo. 

i vividly notice everything about him at that time he was trying to teach me to use a bow but he knows im better with cross bows but he insisted i learned. the way his long pink hair was flowing against the wind as he would aim and hit the targets perfectly i couldn't help but look in awe. he was beautiful. all the laughs we shared the emotional moments we had when he helped me escape from the scary room when i was young he was just amazing, perfect if you will.

but deep down i knew it would never work out because i was different than him i heard voices and i knew if i told him he would leave and he did it was a year later that i confessed my love for him i told him how i felt it was scary but i did it the voices told me not to but i didn't listen. why didn't i listen.

 i told him mid sentence of him reading to me this time we were reading about greek gods and the story of theseus. i loved that story, we had read it around three times now, he was getting to my favorite part the part where his own land kicked him out for bacicly being an hero to them saving them. why did i have to be so stubborn i just had to tell him i loved him right at the middle of the book why couldn't i just have let him finished. 

when i told him he immediately shut the book and looked into my eyes he told me he loved me to but we both didn't want to call it anything just to best friends saying i love you perfectly normal. except. me.

i know im not normal i wanted to be honest with him and not to hurt him or scare him but i guess i did. i always have to mess everything up. when i told him he just stayed silent he knew i was a but uncomfortable with the silent so he hugged me. i was a bit taken aback because no one has ever hugged me, i didn't want to leave him hanging. so we hugged each other and fell asleep like that. i hate having or being touched, but techno is different he understands the way he held me made me feel loved. that was rare i have never been loved, not even my my own family, and he knew that. 

but when i woke up he wasn't there big surprise the one time i felt loved and cared for they had to leave. on that day he only left a note on the coffee table because we fell asleep on the couch the note wasn't anything to be all sappy or happy. i was kind of mad about it i opened up to him trusted him and he welcomed me with open arms only to leave me not even 24 hours later.

 i was enraged he pissed me off he pissed the voices off and i wouldn't stand for it i tried to hold back my urges, until my family found out that really tipped me off i didn't have anything to do all the rage bottled up inside me. crawling its way out like a bunch of spiders in a pot i swore to the gods next time i see him i will make him feel the same pain that he unknowingly but still provoked caused.

 i let all my anger from my past out on this farm im making for l'manburg it was big but their potatoes who doesn't like them me and techno would spend hours picking potatoes for no reason at all. so i guess thats where i got it from. yes im still mad at him. and yes i do still love him. i unknowingly still miss him from time to time but a part of me never wants to see him again i think it would hurt to much to reface him. the sun was coming back up again i spent my whole night on this stupid farm that they probably wont even be grateful for. WELP. better get on with the day i need right now i have nothing useful and nothing has even happened in the past 48 hours i have been here, this war is taking a bit to long for my liking. hopefully something eventful happens today.

~a/n~

Did not fucking proof read this shit im way to tied but dont want to sleep its 3 am and i have school and like 5 tests what fun :] have a nice night i kind of just wanted to give a little backstory to her and techno to make thinks °spicy° ooO
Yoo so i was not about to edit this on my phone bec im way to stupid and an ignorant roach soo if you see this i probably just woke up and the revision will be shit bec it might have a lot of misspells but hi :]