Falling • OriginSMP TommyInnit

9 - Scared Of Me

Huh.

Drip, drip.

So he was back here again.

Drip, drip.

He didn't know how it happened, he just knew that one second he was running through the sunrise, and the next he was curled up in his 'hate cave' again. He was a little further down into the cave than last time, not wanting to sit in his own dried blood.

He almost wished for it, though, he almost wished he was in a new pool, this one fresh.  He couldn't have that- No, he could. He could, and he will. 

Tommy's chest was tight and his sides heaved as he gasped for air, though he couldn't seem to bring any into his lungs. His vision was swimming, and he was wracked with sobs. He looked so panicked and awful on the outside, but on the inside he was at peace. He was a burden, and burdens deserved pain.

He traced a hand over his headwing, forcing out the peace it tried to bring to him. It made him feel sick, why couldn't someone useful choose the Avian class? He treated it so poorly, so uncaringly. As himself, he despised it. If it were anyone else, it would probably seem like they're lucky to choose it. 

His other wings idly flapped at his sides, unable to do anything but convey his current emotions. They trembled and shook sharply, moving with the current of his anger and sadness and self-hate. He hated feeling like this, but he knew he deserved it. 

Tommy gagged in another breath, bile rising in his throat. He was going to end another of his unlimited lives, right here, in the same empty, hollow cave. His eyes were dull now, but he still moved with life. He raised a stone dagger, about to plunge it into his chest.

Bracing himself, he took a shaking breath in, his vision blurred from tears. He closed his eyes, letting out a final sob, and drove the knife into his chest.

Suddenly something hid his arm from the air, sending the dagger flying across the cave. He gasped, eyes flying open, to the knife. The knife floated away, lifting itself into the air as if someone was throwing it, and was thrown with a great force down the cave.

"Wha-Wh- Fuck?" Tommy choked out, eyes widening. Panic rose in his chest- knives or objects only did that when- when-

"Tommy! Are you okay?"

When ghosts held them.

"Wil- shit- I-I'm fine, no worries here!" Tommy cursed himself mentally. He should've been quicker, instead of being the selfish little brat he was.

"Tommy- No, I saw the entire thing. Come here, come here, shh." Wilbur materialized infront of the boy, his arms wide open. Tommy shrank away from him, sobbing, before finally giving in and clinging to Wilbur.

"Let me die," Tommy said in between sobs. "Let me fucking die! I'll just respawn, what does it matter?"

"It matters because we care!" Wilbur responded. "Everyone here cares about you, so, so much, Toms."

Tommy was unable to form a reply, not believing. He stay there, sobbing loudly into Wilbur's sweater. Finally, he found his words.

"They don't, Wilbur, they don't! Cant you fucking see that? They dont give two shits about me!" Tommy shouted, slightly muffled by Wilbur's sweater.

"Tommy," Wilbur said, his tone shattering Tommy's heart further.

Just as Wilbur took in another breath to say more, someone else spoke.

"Wilbur, leave." A familiar figure stood in the mouth of the corridor, horns of a ram wrapping around his head. His eyes were a maroon color, and he wore a suit. He didn't wear shoes, he had hooves instead of feet. His ears stood out beside his horns, being those that belong to a ram aswell.

"No, I won't, you should leave instead." Wilbur hugged the boy protectively. "He's my brother, and I know him better than you do."

"But I know how to calm him down." Schlatt said calmly, kneeling beside the trembling boy. "The best way to truly understand him, is to have been through the same thing. You, have not been in this state before."

"And you have?" Wilbur snarled, rubbing Tommy's back comfortingly. Tommy's heart was warm, it struck him when Wilbur called him his brother. It didn't fix his mood, but it gave him a small amount of hope. Maybe it was possible that Wilbur cared about him, but the others? The others- they didn't. Right?

"I have, Soot, so go away." Schlatt's words were harsh, but his tone was gentle. He glared at Wilbur with a knowing look, and Wilbur glanced between him and Tommy. He narrowed his eyes at the slighly younger, but whispered something to Tommy and stood up anyways. 

Giving Schlatt a 'you better take care of him' glare. "Don't try anything or I'll do to you what I did to Jack."

"What'd he do to Jack..?" Tommy asked after Wilbur had walked out of the cave. Schlatt winced, having heard the story from Ranboo.

"He- He cares alot about you, Tommy, Wilbur does." Schlatt seemed to dodge Tommy's question, but in reality answered it honestly.

"I dont get why." Tommy hissed under his breath, not intending for Schlatt to hear; "Who wants to be friends with a useless, annoying kid?"

"You're right," Schlatt started slowly. "He doesn't want to be your friend. He wants to be your brother. And as a brother he cares about you very dearly."

Tommy looked away from Schlatt and rolled his eyes, turning back to him after. Schlatt narrowed his eyes, an ear flicking.

"Listen, Tommy." Schlatt adjusted himself so that he was sitting against the wall beside Tommy, sighing. "Your friends, they care about you deeply. They really do, just give them a chance. Let your eyes open, let yourself see how much they care about you, and how much they love you."

"My eyes are open." Tommy hissed. He watched the daylight flickering in, and how it slowly began to leave the cave. Night was falling, and Tommy couldnt bear another second in this conversation. "I have to go. I promised- I promised Tubbo I'd help him build a- something, maybe next time."

Schlatt sighed again, watching the boy leave. He knew Tommy was lying, but he also knew that he shouldnt try to chase the boy and strangle him half to death just to send him spiraling into an even worse state.

Tomorrow he would try again.

Tommy would need to see eventually, right?