What Anxiety Feels Like (DNF/ Dream not found angst)

Cold Starts to Sink in

Warning- everyone deals with anxiety differently. What I write might be nothing like how you know it to be or exactly the same. Please don't tell me this is wrong. This is how it happens to me so it's all I know. Thank you ☺️❤️

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The second George hung up he let out a painful breath. He had to get his trembling hands and rapid heart beat under control.

Quickly he got up and went to his kitchen. He was thankful that he lived alone. There was no one to bother him as he calmed himself. Though, that also meant there was no one to help him.

He got himself a cup of cold water and began to do his breathing exercises he was so accustomed too.

This was not new for George. No, he has been struggling with anxiety and panic attacks since he was pretty young. He had been on medication a while back but decided to stop it when he thought he was better. He's had the occasional panic but no anxiety attack since.

123-321-1234-4321-12345-54321

He counted back and forth slowly. It usually helped him calm down in times like this where it wasn't too bad to begin with.

George always thought he had this under control so never told anyone. The only person that knew was his mother but she never brought it up which he was thankful for. It isn't that he doesn't trust his friends, he just didn't see a reason to let anyone know.

He doesn't even know what he has exactly. He couldn't tell you what type of disorder it was or how severe. He and his mother went to the doctor once for medication and that was it.

They went after his first panic attack. It was so bad that his mother was close to rushing him to the hospital. He was only 9 at the time so she never really understood what it was like for someone that young and scared.

After a while of his breathing exercises and memories from when he was younger, he was able to calm down enough that he could go to sleep. His vision was refocused and his heart rate almost normal. When he walked into his room he was shocked when he saw almost an hour had passed from when he hung up with dream.

Was he that out of it?

"thats weird" George mumbled to himself. One huge plus of living alone is being able to talk to yourself without any judgment which he did a lot. He sat on the edge of his bed picking at his fingers "that wasn't... no no its fine George. You are fine"

He really did not want to think about his anxiety getting bad again. However, lately it has been getting harder for him to control and more frequent. He didn't know if it was because how popular they had gotten. It is definitely more stressful but he liked it.

"whatever I am going to sleep" he told his empty room before throwing himself fully on his bed. Every time after he calms himself down, his body shuts down ready to sleep.

Even though he suppressed it, deep down he was scared. Just the fear of anxiety and panic attacks was enough to almost send him into one. They are scary and he knew that better than most.

"No....No." He suppressed the thought of them coming back and forced himself to sleep.

He held onto his pillow a little tighter that night.

--

"DREAM GET IT GET IT GET IT!" George screamed into his stream as he ran away from the zombie that chased him. "DREAM I AM ON HALF A HEART HELP MEEEE"

Seconds later dreams character came running across George's screen to kill the mob. He was wheezing as he did "George you can't even kill a zombie??"

"I said I was on half a heart!" He defended himself walking back to his house.

They were playing with a bunch of their friends. Not really doing anything in particular but the occasional fighting and jokes.

George was reading his donations and going on as usual until dream broke him out of his focus- "George why are you shaking your hand like that?"

This took him by surprise before he realized he actually was flinging his hand back and forth pretty aggressively. He stared at it for a few seconds trying to figure out when he even started doing it.

"georgeeeeeee?" dreams voice took him out of his confused trance again before he realized that he had to cover up his reaction. He didn't want anyone questioning it. 

"why are you watching me so closely Dream hm? obsessed with me?" he heard a laugh come from Dream that diffused some tension.

"No way"

"don't believe you"

"I am not obsessed with you"

"I think the chat agrees with me that you are. You are out voted Dream. Simp"

"oh you didnt"

"NOO DREAM STOP!"

Dream began to chase George around trying to hit him while they both laughed. Inwardly George sighed in relief. He knew that everyone would be focused on that part instead of his shaking hand.

He was still confused on how he did that without any realization. He felt the stress building and he guessed it just decided to shake itself out. Weird.

George just needed to get it under control but that sounds way easier than it actually is.

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Vote and comment please no one is reading this 😭