What Anxiety Feels Like (DNF/ Dream not found angst)

Fear Of Losing More Than Just My Mind

George woke up in the place that he dreaded the most.

The second he felt the hard floor on his back, he remembered. He had another panic attack. Unable to move right away, he laid there still and emotionally drained.

Slowly he started to recall the events of the night before or more importantly, who he spoke to the night before.

George closed his eyes tightly in anger. Why did he have to call him? Now he knew. He knew about his anxiety. Even worse he witnessed it.

He let out a long and painful sigh. He was genuinely angry at himself. Dream was the last person he wanted to know.

Though he knew it was unreasonable, he was terrified that Dream wouldn't talk to him the same. what if he didn't want to be his friend anymore? He was sure that Dream wouldn't want to carry that burden.

Slowly, George lifted himself from the floor after at least an hour of sulking and over thinking. He spot his phone near by and scoffed at the sight. Why did he have to call dreammmm?

When he picked it up though he was shocked.

He had hundreds of missed calls. from all of his friends along with so many messages he couldn't even scroll through them.

Randomly he clicked on one which happened to be Karl's messages-

'hey hey hey are you ok? you left the game super quick?'

'George why did Dream leave the game screaming your name? dude you are ok right?'

'MAN YOU ARE TRENDING!!! LOOK!'

A picture was inserted of a hashtag on twitter that was trending.

Quickly George got off his messages and went to twitter. He found it right away. Trending worldwide the hashtag #weloveyouGeorge along with a bunch of similar ones.

George's stomach dropped. What did they know? How much did they know? His eyes bulged as he read through the tweets.

There were hundreds of people retweeting the clip of Dream leaving the game. Hesitantly he clicked on it-

"oh hey george why did you- wait GEORGE" the line went dead directly after as Dream immediately left the game. All you could hear was the rest of their friends trying to figure out what happened.

It was obvious whatever happened had to have been serious. The tone in Dream's voice was unlike anyone had ever heard from him. It was laced with true fear and worry.

George sat on his bed, his hand covering his mouth in shock, Dream had literally dropped everything the second he had called.

god why did he call!

He turned and buried his head into his pillow. He felt so bad for all the stress he put everyone under. Especially Dream- speaking about dream-

Quickly George checked his twitter so see he posted nothing since the incident. He also checked that he hadn't spoken to anyone at all actually. He was ignoring the situation till he spoke to George and he knew that.

Sighing deeply, George set down his phone staring at the floor in front of him. what would he do now? How would he explain what happened without exposing himself?

Going back to his phone, George realized he had 13 missed calls from dream. However, all of them stopped about four hours ago. He must have fallen asleep.

It was 11am in England meaning he had passed out on the floor for around 14 hours. He was not surprised since his body always gets so drained after an attack.

Honestly, he was too afraid to face any of it at the moment. So, without really thinking, he turned off his phone and threw it across the room. It fell with a loud thud but he could not care less.

He knew he should assure people he was fine but he couldn't.

The thing that he was most concerned about was Dream. He knew that he could come up with an excuse for the rest of the world but there was absolutely no getting away from Dream knowing. He was there. He calmed him down.

"nooooooooo" he sighed out in frustration in his silent room remembering more of what happened. He was so desperate and vulnerable. He's never showed that side to anyone.

He was ok with losing everything- but he couldn't lose dream.

He was sure that he did. There was no way Dream would want to talk to him after all that happened. He was a burden that no one wanted to handle.

He knew that Dream is one of the nicest people but still he was able to convince himself that he would be hated. How could he not? He was just too much and it was only getting worse.

Even if Dream would be understanding, he doesn't want to give him that burden. He's too much to handle and he didn't want to give Dream that.

He decided that he would ignore everything for as long as he could. At least till he mustered up the courage to confront Dream and somehow convince him that he was fine.

Was he fine though? He knew that answer to that but refused to admit it.

Laying back on his bed, George just stared at the ceiling fearing everything he's about to lose.

His mind not even being his biggest worry.

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