Beautifully Obsessed

Chapter Two : And so it begins

05/03/2021

 Please enjoy! 

-Aphrodite

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The drive alone was grueling as the numbness expanded like a balloon in my stomach. The thought of the previous session made me want to scream and bash my head against the wall, I just seemed to get more and more pathetic with the days.

Sighing, I leaned against the front door, the action of turning the key made me feel too real, something I didn't want to be. Oh to just float away into the dark abyss and never have to deal with life again. Finally finding the energy to enter, the sight of the pancakes on the table deepened my frown, my appetite having long left my body with no sign of return.

Trudging up the stairs I felt my inner turmoil at the thought of having to do schoolwork. Oh well, you know what they say, if ever in a state of fragile mentality do homework. Letting myself dissociate from the horror of life I began working through the heaps of assignments.

So here we were, no more than two hours later, scrubbing down the tiles in the already spotless bathroom. "Yeah Embry, why don't you go back there and tell them all about your stress cleaning, not like you've made enough of a fool of yourself" I mumbled letting myself fall in a heap on the bathroom floor. It brought a sense of calmness over me, the cool feeling on my back as I laid in a starfish position.

It was as if laying on the floor was a safe space, no one can get you here if you're already at rock bottom, they have nowhere to bring you but up. The sound of my ringing phone slinged me away from whatever tranquility I had been in.

"Hi mom" I sighed, removing all the products I had been using from the bathroom. "Hi darling, how are you? Did you go to your appointment? How was it? You weren't answering your phone this morning is everything okay? We are on our way home now but if you need us to speed we will and get there as soon as we can? Maybe this wasn-'' pinching the bridge of my nose I quickly dumped the products in the cabinet.

"Yes mom, I'm fine, the appointment was fine, I woke up late and hadn't charged my phone and no you do not need to speed home, really" plopping onto the couch I awaited the lecture on the importance of always having my phone charged.

"Okay sweetie, I'm glad it went well, I'll be home in about 30 minutes, would you mind turning the oven on?" her voice made me nervous. It was sweet, too sweet, there was no scolding or disappointed sigh. Even against all my curiosity I dropped it, knowing if it was something bad, I'd want to wait the longest amount of time possible before knowing it. "Okay mom, see you soon then," I hung up before she got the chance to reply.

I guess my first couple hours of independence in a year was about to end, and how amazing it was for me to spend them in therapy, cleaning and finishing homework. Preheating the oven, I decided against lying on the floor again, knowing if one of my parents walked in on me like that they'd think I was in some state of insanity.

It had been awhile since I left my house with no destination in mind, so a walk might be nice. "He isn't out there, nothings going to happen, just get it together and go", bracing myself I threw myself out of the door and shut it before I could convince myself to ditch any plan of a walk.

I was allowing my feet to just move, not having the mental energy to map out a plan of where to go. And there I ended up, in the old park, sitting on the swings. It had been too long since I had been on the swings and it felt nice, I felt alive, for the first time in so long and he couldn't take this away from me. I wouldn't let him.