The Navigator

7. Did You Know?

Author's Note:

Song Credit: Heroes Fall, Hidden Citizens feat. Essa

Disclaimer: This Chapter contains some mature language and sexual themes. This story is rated mature so discretion is advised.

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Addy waited, unwilling to answer first, she felt like she deserved the truth and that it took priority over his own. He had left her, saying it was for her own good and she had seen some truth to that. Though honestly? She thought it was bullshit.

They could have figured something out, she had the new job that let her take time off when he was home, and plenty of families had a partner that spent most of the year in space. Those couples had their difficulties but plenty of them were happy. They sent each other video messages to keep in touch and grew together rather than apart. She and Jax never spoke when he was working and there was one cold resounding reason for that. He didn't want to.

He didn't want to be beholden to anyone, he wanted to rush out into the universe with no strings attached. That's why they had kept it 'casual'. At first Addy hadn't minded, she liked that she didn't have to wait around pining for some man to come home. Instead she lived her life; working, and going out with Brooke. The normal day to day punctuated by the occasional adventure or hook up. She didn't have to work hard to get laid, she had been aggressive and confident. Never afraid of her own sexuality.

That had changed though as each man she let in her life did less and less for her. They didn't make her laugh like Jax did, didn't make her feel secure, bulwarked by his unassailable self confidence.

Jax knew who he was so well, those around him found a freedom they had never experienced before, you always knew where you stood with him. There was never any indecisive anxiety. Does he like me? Did I offend him? Thoughts like that had no place in his presence. It was what had attracted her to him in the first place.

Other guys made their insecurities her problem, needing her to assure them they were attractive or that yes she had orgasmed or no she wasn't running out on them. It was exhausting. She never counted on Jax, but was always relieved to see him, knowing she could spend some time just being herself for however long he could give her.

That had grown, changed from just great sex to sweet companionship. She found herself desirous of his company in all things. Watching a silly reality show was enhanced by his incessant teasing. Brushing her teeth was more fun when he was beside her doing the same. Being regaled by his stories while he helped fold her laundry, that same laundry being swept to the floor when his low-key flirting became irresistible. The reorganization of the items when they had finally caught their breath. Those small moments of intimacy, grew into a love she no longer wanted to let go of.

She never told him of her growing ardor, he would not spare her emotions to deny her truth; that he didn't love her back. He would have jumped ship anyway but sooner than he ultimately did. Finding a different way to escape into the great beyond. It was a matter of losing everything or being satisfied with what she had, and she had chosen the latter. Unwilling to let go but also unable to move forward. Of course Jax with his sharp intelligent eyes had figured it out, realized she felt more for him then he did for her.

So, as per her worst prediction he packed himself up, threw his duffel over his shoulder and left her behind. As much of a hard time Jax gave her over being a 'runner' in difficult situations he had fled light-years away from her, so he didn't have to deal with her emotions. Addy was the only person across hundreds of planets that could accuse Jax Fairsail of being a coward and have a leg to stand on. Would have knowing she was pregnant really made that much of a difference in the equation that resulted in his departure?