The Navigator

15. Altar of Failures

Author's Note: TRIGGER WARNING, may not be appropriate for survivors of domestic abuse

Song Credit: Take it All, by Ruelle

Disclaimer: This Chapter contains some mature language and sexual themes. This story is rated mature so discretion is advised.

____________________________________________________________

Addy spent the rest of her Saturday and all of her Sunday in quiet reflection on her actions. Darren had carefully explained to her with a dogged repetitiveness why her conduct was inappropriate and she had been forced to agree, see things from his side. It was not her place to go to Jax in the middle of the night, or sneak off during the Festival. Darren argued that Gemma may be her daughter but Addy had chosen to let him into their lives, so she also chose to compromise with him regarding the child's care. That was an undeniable truth, and of course Addy acquiesced, begging forgiveness for her lapses in judgement.

Darren determined, reasonably, that Jax could see Gemma when he was in port under his supervision, and Addy had agreed. Simply grateful that somehow Darren had been convinced to let the other man see his daughter at all. Maybe that had something to do with what Jax had said to him, but Addy didn't have time to speculate on such things. It didn't much matter, since Jax would be leaving soon anyway. Of that they were both sure, there were already whispers regarding his job offers and it would only be a matter of time before he chose one and blasted off again. Jax just being Jax. Leaving Addy behind yet again.

Darren would reach out to him and offer to arrange another meeting with Gemma, taking over all communication. To make it easier for Addy, she had enough going on without adding in an inconsistent baby daddy. She agreed that was for the best, she wasn't capable of dealing with Jax. Darren was right, he knew best and she was just a fool to think otherwise. A poor, hopeless fool.

Addy pushed Gemma's stroller through the crowd towards the main shipping office. Grateful again for the closeness of her home to the harbor, trying desperately to pull her mind away from the events of the weekend. The sweetness of the meeting and the less sweet aftermath, she just wanted to get to work and let the complexity of her job steal this empty feeling from her. Give her some purpose, something to succeed at, a win. She needed a damn win.

As she struggled to steer the stroller with one hand and open the swinging glass doors, she once again wondered at the irony of the incredible technology around her. Humans had colonized the cosmos but still couldn't design a stroller that could be driven with one hand? It was nonsense.

The building was only a few stories tall but the first floor ceiling was three of them, the back of the large foray was Dade's office, a level above them and a wall of solid glass. It reminded her of old sailing vessels with the Captain's quarters sitting highest on the back of the ship. It was meant to be reminiscent of the warehouses that the Quartermaster was responsible for, the cargo laid out under the office where the owner could survey his goods from above, superior and elevated.

It was impossible not to glance up at the transparent office, especially when it was brightly lit inside and the windows weren't blacked out as they sometimes were during meetings. So it was only natural for Addy to look up, but distinctly unnerving to see Jax standing there, arms crossed over his chest as he observed the bustle occurring on the floor below. He had seen her of course, but wasn't looking at her just now, eyes on the contents of the stroller. The eyes did slowly draw away from the child and on to her, where a quick grin did more for her state of mind then the entire walk to work had done.

Addy shook herself and proceeded quickly to the daycare center where she checked in Gemma and gave her a quick goodbye before finding her way to her office on the third floor. She was only there for a moment before her superior Teren, an old cargo ferrier, who had spent his youth making the run back and forth from Miri to their closest neighboring planets and moons, popped into her cubicle.