Author's Note: Longest chapter so far, and I don't feel even a little bad about it.
Song Credit: Hurricane, Fleurie
Disclaimer: This Chapter contains some mature language and sexual themes. This story is rated mature so discretion is advised.
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Jax hoisted his burden for the first time into the free air, a cold sweat betraying his waning confidence in his abilities with the still young and fragile child. It hadn't been his intention to part from Addy so soon, wishing instead to spend time with her acting as his guide into parenthood. However, if the looks that Brooke had been shooting at him weren't implication enough, the message she had surreptitiously sent him made it clear. It had read, 'Take Gemma, and get out of here.' He didn't spend too much time thinking about what it was she so badly needed to talk to Addy about. He thought he knew, and was grateful.
Watching Darren mistreat Addy had been the most frustrating experience of his entire life, if he wasn't who he was, if he was all base instinct without all of the hard learned lessons about autonomy, and respect he would have torn the man apart. Grabbed that neat collar and taken him to the ground, demanding why the fuck his family was left to wander around on their own, that Addy was abandoned because this asshole couldn't handle the grungy parts of parenthood.
Then after she recovers herself, he attacks her? Calling her a bad mother, implying that she wasn't good enough. Didn't he know? That little trigger that lived inside of her, left behind by her own mothers abandonment that must have magnified after she herself gave birth. How could he claim to love her and not know? His thoughts crystallized, nucleating around that question before shattering, sending shards into his soul as Jax realized the fucker probably DID know, knew her vulnerability and was exploiting it to get his way.
He would have lifted Darren's head and slammed it backwards, stunning him before starting in with his fists, breaking the nose, cheekbones, and cracking the hard skull. He had felt bone break beneath his hands before, his temper leaving him powerless against the terrible violence he could enact. He could do it again, let the control go and beg her forgiveness afterwards.
That idea seized his thoughts, no Addy would never forgive him. He wouldn't forgive himself, throwing away all the years of development and effort in sharpening his personality to the fine point that it was for a second of blistering satisfaction. He was no longer the boy who solved his problems that way, a boy that had been doing a man's job since he was large enough to fit into the smallest EVA suit.
A boy in a man's world surrounded by the tough and tumble sailors who didn't care that you were only 10 and didn't know any better. Men who showed no mercy with their cruel tongues and hard hands, raising not only a seasoned sailor but a savage intemperate demon that a better Captain would have had put down.
In the sky there were a few good men, and one of them had decided that Jax could be more than the lost and raging child he was, so through quiet conditioning and disapproval reigned in the adolescent. Further shaping was done at the hands of his friends. Jax only had to lose his temper once, punching out the shifty Billy and regretting it with everything he had, for him to channel all of his energy into his mantra: control. He had control. Always
He could choose how to feel about something, choose how to react, choose forgiveness instead of fury. This lesson is what got him on the Bridge, his keen mind was only part of the solution, the other half was personality. You had to be trusted, and no one trusted an uncontrollable hot head.
So Jax hadn't beaten Darren to the bloodied pulp he was perfectly capable of. He made a choice in deference to Addy. She had selected this man as her partner and that was none of his business. Except what the fuck was wrong with her? Shrinking down, panicking and trembling. The Addy he knew would have screamed in the asshole's face, demanding to be treated with dignity, always on square and equal footing with anyone around her. What had happened to her to make her accept that kind of treatment?
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The Navigator
RomansaJax had meant it when he promised Addy she would never see him again. He was a man of his word, but when a power that is out of this world sent him home he became determined to make things right. Their love had burned hot, consuming all of her, but...