The Navigator

27. Wave after Wave

Author's Note: Same experiences, different resolutions.

Song Credit: Don't Follow, Shelby Merry

This Chapter contains some mature language and sexual themes. This story is rated mature so discretion is advised.

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When Addy returned from the place her mind had retreated to, trying to recover after the painful confrontation with Darren she found herself alone with Brooke in the living room. The men and her baby nowhere to be seen, and she pulled herself away, intent on finding Gem, but Brooke pulled her back into her embrace only letting them move enough to get off the floor and onto the couch.

"Jax has Gemma, she's fine. Don't rush off baby, you need to feel this."

Addy knew she was right, she needed to feel all the things she had been pushing off, unwilling to show weakness in the presence of others. Knowing as she did that humans were as much predators that would take advantage of the helpless as any other Old Earth pack animal. Lunging and harrying their target until at last it was cornered and easily torn apart, at least animals used their kills to nourish their bodies, humans did it to sate their ego's.

Here, in the presence of family, her herd, she released herself to the protection of their communal strength, surrendering up her restraint and simply wept. Wept for the girl who was consistently turned aside for the failings of being born, the young mother that had been completely overwhelmed, and the victim walking the path to survivorship. Letting so much fall from her eyes she began to feel afraid she would have nothing left. Nothing more to fuel her next steps, but she let that fear go too, desirous to start over as a blank slate, reformed by the arms around her and the love in the home.

She would reset, no longer be a person who lived under the oppressive regime of a gaslighter, instead she would be open, but cautious for a new life. One where she made her own choices without paying for each one with copious amounts of guilt. No longer would she let her sympathies be played with, jerked from side to side as needed rather than by her own will. Being emotionally available was what had led to this, part of her insecurity and no longer subtle threats to her offspring. She needed to shut it down, be selfish, resolve to protect herself in all things but especially matters of the heart. She was in charge now, not the fluttering bird that lived in her chest.

It was long minutes, feeling like an eternity but in reality was not too long at all that she released. Finally the well of emotion dried up and she was able to pull away from Brooke, looking her friend in the face, appreciating the beauty she found there. Her sister's dark blue eyes glimmered with her empathy, sharing in Addy's pain and reaching for her in honesty. No hidden agenda, asking for nothing in exchange just simple connection and affection. Addy would die for this girl, and she hoped that one day she would be able to return her kindness in some small way.

Brooke's eyes started to bloom alight and Addy realized the teasing was coming long before it arrived and gave her permission with a small smile, ready to be pulled out of her breakdown. This was one of her friends' hidden talents, the changing of subjects. Transitioning from the difficult to the amusing with the greatest of ease, adjusting the temperature of the room from hot tears to cool laughter.

"So was he as good as you remember?"

Addy burst out laughing at the absurdity and poor taste of the question, it was perfect. Just what she needed, but when she noticed that Brooke was NOT laughing she realized her friend was serious. What? Did Brooke think she and Jax...she blushed remembering that it wasn't for lack of trying on her part. She had craved him, with a thirst she had never experienced before, more than any other time he had returned to Miri. Those greetings had been lusty and impactful, but didn't quite match up with what she had felt today.