The Navigator

33. Loving the Fool

Author's Note:

Song Credit: Armed and Dangerous, Chaos Chaos

This Chapter contains some mature language and sexual themes. This story is rated mature so discretion is advised.

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Addy faced Monday morning like it was a man who had done her wrong and she didn't want him to think she thought so. That is: armed with coffee, well groomed hair, and the perfect outfit. She took on the day like she had something to say about it; enthusiastic and sassy, exhilarated and liberated. Ready. To. Go!

She navigated the stairs of her private entrance in the alley with a baby on her hip and a stroller in her hands like an absolute pro and felt invincible to the woes of work and womanhood. She had this, she was a mama that had everything going for her and she was going to make sure everyone knew it.

For all of her excitement she wouldn't say she wasn't at all disappointed that Jax wasn't there to greet her at the end of the alley, or the street, or anywhere along her short commute. He had said he would see her at work and she supposed that she should be pleased, that like always, he meant what he said but still it wouldn't have been terrible to see him again so soon.

He had left shortly after dinner, which was food he brought up from Cal's like old times, spreading the fare over hastily procured paper plates. She hadn't realized just how little she owned until it was all shoved into one tiny space and almost none of it was useful. She didn't have any plates or cookware, no glasses or spoons-nothing that could help provide sustenance. Still though, she was happy. A home with nearly nothing of help in it was better than a well apportioned one where she was miserable.

When she had moved out, Darren had determined what came with her, what was sold/given away and what was left behind. They had abandoned the majority of her furniture, assuming Teauge would take care of it. That hadn't been fair, Addy had known it then, but decided it wasn't worth fighting about at the time. She would need to apologize to her landlord then try to make it up to him. She was grateful for the remaining items, it really made a huge difference; not having plates was one thing, having nowhere to sleep was another.

Jax had brought his warmth with him to the apartment and that never hurt. A coaxing, needling humor that brought all of her out of the shell she had been hiding in for so long. She hadn't dared think too hard while he was there, wary of herself, what she would do when she really sat down to process what he had said to her. That he loved her.

No, not loved, he had made that very clear, Jax loves her and she didn't really know what to do about that. It would have been easy to just laugh it off, so easy she was ashamed of herself, knowing that the desire to do so was a well worn instinct of self protection. So instead she watched, watched the way his hands moved.

The way they lingered whenever they were near hers, the yearning behind them palpable and obvious now that she saw it. She tried to dismiss it, make it a sexual thing, he longed to touch her because he wanted to sleep with her again; except...that didn't feel right. Maybe it was because she was a woman and not a man, but she didn't feel anything sexy about trying to rig a curtain around Gem's crib so the girl wouldn't stare and therefore babble and reach for Addy all night. Still though, his hands were where they nearly shouldn't have been. Almost, but not quite on her waist to steady her as she reached above her head on a stool. Or how he had taken over the task with one hand as the other remained on her wrist, a soothing warm pressure that was only meant to pull her away from what she nearly broke.

His hands didn't scream sex, they proclaimed something of far greater value, and something she still wasn't prepared to believe. So she tucked it away-setting it aside until she was ready to either admit that it was true or convince herself it was false.