The Navigator

26. Guilt after Guilt

Author's Note:

Song Credit: Flood, Saltillo (Love a good 'insect heart' simile)

This Chapter contains some mature language and sexual themes. This story is rated mature so discretion is advised.

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"Jax!.....damnit, JAX!'

He felt his soul return to his body, as his mind finally snapped to Brooke, who was calling him from her position on the floor, arms wrapped around the shivering sobbing girl that was moments ago reasserting herself as the master of her fate. He shook his head, trying to bring himself fully back to Miri, back from the abyss he had fallen into when he helplessly watched threatening hands being placed on his daughter.

It had been a discomposing experience, nearly driving his boundless control past its limits. The double meanings behind such a seemingly gentle touch never more obvious and never more so personally effecting. His whole body had seized, muscles from his scalp to his toes tightening in anticipation of rapid intervention, but it was obvious if the situation went that direction, the result was predictable and hopeless.

He could do nothing, no matter his speed or strength, there was no way he could interfere fast enough before a simple tight squeeze did irreparable damage to half of his heart. It was a level of helpless he had never experienced and relief in the departure of the danger had yet to arrive. Not yet allowed to feel better, finding no assurance in the conclusion of the encounter. Addy had handled it on her own, leaving him as useless as spit on pavement. It was too much, and as Addy slipped to the ground he lost his grasp on reality, floating out of his physical form. Rigid and immovable.

Brooke was speaking to him, but outside of his name he had understood none of it.

"What?" He asked, blinking back to awareness.

"Gemma..." Brooke mouthed and jerked her head in the direction Billy had retreated in once he had his charge back in his care.

Billy. Billy should have known better, what the fuck was he thinking just handing her over like that?

"Yeah, I'll go check on her."

He turned, letting his anxiety change to the more easily managed rage he was starting to feel. Placing his bone deep fear on the narrow shoulders of his friend, who would answer for his mistake. Stupid bastard, proffering up something so small and precious to someone who clearly had ill intent. On what planet would anyone besides a total idiot just hand over a baby! Had he lost his damn mind? It was unacceptable, and if anything had happened to his child, Jax would have paid it back 10 fold to Darren and then to Billy, feeling equal satisfaction in both. Fuck him if it wouldn't feel good to lay hands on someone, anyone at this moment.

Express the crippling terror with violent strikes against flesh and bone, tearing and snapping. Leaving blood on his knuckles as they bruised and split, the pressure in his taunt body becoming more than he could manage again. Building to the brim as he turned his way into the lounge, where Billy's array of monitors and computers sat dark. Ready to unleash his helplessness on the cause of the sensation until he heard the keening. The broken sound of the thoroughly damaged.

Dade, already arrived after his chore of escorting scum from his home, sat against the wall. A weeping Billy was pulled between his legs in a comforting embrace as the smaller man rocked back and forth, his body folded into itself, creating its own shelter. His arms were wrapped over his head and his body shuddered with heartbroken sobs, obviously the conflict had triggered an old half forgotten memory. One where Billy had no control, just as Gemma, in the arms of an all powerful creature herself, had no control. It was obvious now, seeing it like this, the flashback clear to Jax.