The Navigator

20. Weight of Narcissism

Author's Note: TRIGGER WARNING: May not be appropriate for survivors of Domestic Abuse.

Song Credit: Stomach it, Crywolf feat EDEN

Disclaimer: This Chapter contains some mature language and sexual themes. This story is rated mature so discretion is advised.

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The fitful waiting went on and on as the time clicked past much slower then normal, and Addy paced through his home, occasionally cleaning or re-cleaning various points and objects. The motions of scrubbing, moving and replacing a repetitive balm to her mood. She couldn't settle within her skin, equally eager and terrified, unable to move either forwards or backwards. Suspended in time, trapped by her own hands as she waited, waited for the return of her housemate and the making of minds. The answer to her problems would be seen on his face, she was sure. She would know what to do once she saw his face.

If she just watched him set his keys in the exact same place on the table by the door, the shrugging off of his suit jacket, the undoing of a single button on his collar and begrudging removal of his tie. If it were up to him, he would leave it on at all times but had discovered that baby spit did indeed stain silk. Surely she would know?

Addy remembered the first time she had in a fit of desire wrapped one of those ties around her fist and pulled him to her mouth, wanting so badly to be possessed. Every inch of her claimed in that very particular male way that made her feel tiny and breakable, pushed to the very brink of a death of pleasure before crashing over with her partner. Greedy yet selfless. The great contradiction of love making.

The action had been met with horror, did she know how difficult it was to get wrinkles out of a tie? Or was she trying to make his life harder? What about his position did she resent so much that she thought she could just ruin his clothing? It had been one of their first fights, except it's not a fight if it is one sided. It hadn't been worth her energy to argue with him over a tie when her feelings were so badly hurt by the rejection. Maybe if she had fought with him then, established herself as an equal partner right at the beginning things wouldn't be so bad now. It was possible he would respect her opinion and choices if he knew that she had them, and felt them just as strongly as he did.

That might have been what Brooke meant, Addy needed to establish herself as a partner, not just a pathetic creature along for the ride. Maybe that's all she needed to do? It was possible, if not for the lie he had told. Those read messages that had been ignored, and his insistence that Jax had not reached out to him. That was beyond the pale, and could no longer be left undealt with. It must be addressed, and while she wasn't sure of the solution she knew how to start.

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Darren returned home, performing his typical rituals, before settling on the couch next to her, an arm slung over her, drawing her in for his after work kiss. She didn't resist, letting him kiss her, experiencing for the first time the unsettling queasiness that accompanies an unwanted touch. Addy pulled away, but Darren didn't seem to notice her discomfort, beginning a one sided conversation about his day, not even bothering to ask her about her's. It was odd that she hadn't noticed it before, that this is what he always did, everything was always about him and she just hadn't been bothered.

The evening progressed as normal, Addy performing her functions in the ease and flow of meal preparation, the feeding and bathing of a toddler. The discovery of the mechanical butterfly and the realization of what Jax had done making her smile for the first time all evening. The putting down for a good night's rest with snuggles and pressing of lips to downy hair. As she pulled the door shut to her daughter's room it was becoming clear what her next moves would have to be.