𝘿𝙚𝙨𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧 //𝙈𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙪𝙣𝙜

4.

He huffed as he swung the door open, again a feeling of overwhelming loneliness clouded his thoughts.

Minho slid his fingers across the pearl countertop as he approached the source of the orange tint that illuminated the expansive room.

He glanced down at the city below him, so small the people resembled ants. He put two finger around one of the ants and squished it, feeling oddly maliceful.

He breathed in the subtle scent of dusk as the sun slowly hid behind the threatening sky. He found it hard to change the topic of his running thoughts as the strange boy, Jisung, didn't leave his mind.

He was worried, but he couldn't figure out just why. Minho pinched the bridge of his nose. He jolted as the frightening orchestra of thunder echoed through the city. His apartment flashed a bright white. He sighed, disappointed in himself that he'd even flinch from just thunder and lightning.

Jisung flashed in his mind. Images of him quivering all by himself. Minho hugged the air pathetically as he imagined comforting a anxious Jisung in his arms.

"What the fuck are you doing, huh?" He huffed disappointingly to himself, un-curling his arms.

..

Jisung shuddered as he cut through his soft skin for a second night as the lightening lit up his lonely bathroom.

Once he felt he had done enough, he turned on the shower for himself and washed off the blood, wincing as the hot water graced his skin.

He felt so lonely as he lay in his bed all by himself, even if he heard his father from downstairs as he yelled profanities at the other team of football that he always watched at night.

He glanced at his cuts and smiled. He hardly had any control over his life, he knew it was taboo...but cutting himself finally meant he had control over something, plus, he knew he deserved it. He thought he deserved it.

His thoughts clouded for a second, and a demonic voice emerged in the back of his head.

"Why not do more than just cut yourself?"
"I know you can do more..."

It spoke nightmarish words to him, and his eyes widened in terror. It was a terrifying voice, raspy and deep, breaking occasionally as if it's voice was giving out. Awfully reminiscent of his fathers voice that bellowed to him even when he hadn't done anything wrong.

..

Jisung glanced at himself in the mirror the next morning, his dark circles and eye-bags becoming more and more prominent as the days went by. He covered them up with makeup and left the house before his dad woke up.

"Changbin-hyung i'm telling you, no ones going to notice if we- OH h-hey Sungie!" Felix panicked as Jisung unintentionally snuck up on them.

"H-hey Lix" Jisung weakly smiled back. "Uhm...i was wondering, is that place we gathered the first day I came here still vaccant?" jisung mustered up the courage to ask.

"Oh, the un-used Club room? yeah it's still vaccant, why do you ask?" Felix answered.

"N-no reason" And with that, Jisung was off. He cautiously pressed his ear up against the door to listen for if anyone was in there. When he confirmed it was empty, he sighed in relief and slowly opened the door.

It was just like it was before, he remembered where he'd hugged Felix. He ran over to the spot and crouched down, clenching his hoodie where his heart was as a painfully sad expression climbed to his face.

He felt pitiful. A moment so common for friends and merely a grain of sand of a memory to them was so important and memorable for him.

I should be happy