More Than This | THE WATTPAD DRAFT

Chapter 6

*As always, this story is on-going and changes will be made along the way

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Giovanni

That's not enough, Giovanni. It's not enough that you love me.

Her words replayed in my head over and over again. Isabella made her mind up and I watched her walk out of my life. I couldn't think of what to say to make her stay. I told her I loved her and that wasn't enough.

I couldn't handle it.

A rush of emotions overcame me and I lost it. I walked over to the counter and grabbed anything in sight. An empty bottle in my hand met the wall in a fit of rage. And then the next one. And then one more. I tossed them all at the wall in an attempt to release the pain I was feeling inside but nothing worked. There was nothing I could do but face it head-on and it consumed me in a way I had never been consumed before.

I loved her

Fuck, I loved her in a way I never thought possible. Just thinking about the fact that I would never be able to call her mine was killing me inside. I just wanted her to be happy. I just wanted to hear that laugh of hers - it was contagious. It was the kind of laugh that brightened up your day. Her happiness was all I cared about. I just wanted to be the one to make her happy and now I never could be. I finally found someone I wanted more with and I had lost her. I ran my fingers through my hair and a huge lump formed in my throat.

"Joder," I muttered

I would not give in to the emotions pushing through - I couldn't. I had never been good at that. I needed to drown it out. I reached for the bottle on the counter that I hadn't tossed against the wall and I was thankful for the alcohol still inside of it. I took a sip of it as I fell onto the couch. I couldn't accept that Casey was pregnant with my baby. I was so angry at myself for being so stupid. If I had just allowed myself to feel what I was feeling at the time, I never would have hooked up with Casey again but in true Giovanni fashion, I had to go and fuck it up. I was so afraid to face my feelings that I sabotaged things whenever I got too close to anyone. I didn't want to be that way - I fucking hate that I was like that which was why I had been working so hard to not fuck things up with Isabella. I realised I had fallen in love with her and I did my best to show her that she was the only one for me. There was no one else but I couldn't change what I had already done. I couldn't change the very clear mistakes I had already made. It killed me that Isabella even thought for a second that I would have betrayed her while we were together. I could never have done that. I would never have done that - I wasn't my father.

I never should have slept with Casey that night. I was running away from my true feelings and even when I was with Casey, it felt wrong to me. That was the first time I had ever felt like I was betraying someone even though we had no obligation to each other back then. That was how I knew I was already in too deep and I would do anything right now to take back what I had done.

Isabella was right, this was all my fault. I had always fucked around and I never stopped once to think about the consequences of what I was doing. I had accepted a long time ago that a relationship would never be for me so when Isabella waltzed into my life, I did all I could to push her out of my mind. I didn't want to give in to what I was feeling and I constantly made mistakes over and over like sleeping with Casey. I wanted to get Isabella out of my head but I learned quickly after that, that she was not going anywhere. My relationship with Isabella had escalated quicker than I realised. It was intense and all-consuming that it blurred the timelines. It felt as if we had been together for years but the reality of how little time had passed was actually insane. I couldn't believe how hard I had fallen for her in such a short space of time and it was driving me crazy that I had lost her now. I knew in my heart that she was the one for me.

I continued drinking. The alcohol burned through me but I couldn't stop. I wouldn't stop until it burnt away the pressure I was feeling in my chest in the absence of her. There was no way this was it for us. It couldn't be. We had come so far for it to end like this. No fucking way. She would come around and we would figure it out. We had to - this was not the end for us.

The more the alcohol made its way through me, the more the voices started to become nothing more than an echo. I thought about nothing else but Isabella.

I was going to win her back. I had to.