Torn between Love and Hate

Forty-Three

Dara heard Jiyong as he left the house. She pretty much has an idea of where he was going. The pain she felt in her heart was a bit tolerable because she knows from the start that he is in love with someone else. She also knows that she won't be the same anymore. She doesn't regret what had happened because she was willing to do so and that she is in love with him. 

The only thing that she regrets ever is she will be hurting Donghae. She has been thinking about how to tell him without hurting him. But she knows that she will be hurting him no matter what. She would rather be honest with him and if he still accepts her after all this. Then she will stay with him. If not...then life goes on.

Her phone started ringing and it was just the person whom she needs to talk to.

With the fullness of nervousness and anxiety, she picked up the last phone.

"Hello."

"Hi, sweetheart! I'm back here in Korea. Are you free tomorrow?" Donghae cheerfully asked.

Dara bolted up from lying down and she nervously brushed her hair away from her face.

"R...really? When did you get back?" She stutters for a bit but tried to control herself.

"A couple of hours ago."

"I...see."

"So are you free tomorrow?"

"Y...yes. I'm free tomorrow."

"Great! I'll pick you up at five in the morning. So make sure you sleep early. I'll let you go now and get your beauty sleep."

"A...and Dara?"

"Hmmm?"

"I love you."

Dara deeply inhaled and paused for a moment before replying trying to sound happy. "I love you too."

Jiyong woke up really early intending to speak to Dara. But unfortunately, she already left the house and no one seems to know where she went. This made him anxious as he decided to go to the gym instead.

Two hours later when he came back from the gym there is still no Dara in the house. He took out his phone from his short pocket and dialed his wife's number but he hesitated to press the green button. He decided not to call her and went to his room to take a shower.

Donghae picked Dara up at five in the morning as he planned to take her to Busan. She purposely did not tell anyone about today because she just wants to be left alone she even turned off her phone.

Donghae was so happy to be spending a day with Dara. It has been a long while since they were together. They have roamed around the city gorge on different kinds of food and they both just had a blast.

Dara too had enjoyed their day of fun. They used to go out of town almost every weekend when they were back in America. They both love long driving, one of the reasons that their relationship lasted about two years compared to the other men that Dara had dated in the past. Though they are having fun there was still a time when Dara would zone out thinking about Jiyong and their upcoming divorce. She still needs to talk to Donghae about what had happened between her and Jiyong. She wants to be honest with him as much as possible.

It was already late in the afternoon and the sun is getting ready to set as they were walking along the shore. Donghae could sense that something is bothering Dara all they long and he is trying not to think about it but it is somehow bothering him as well. He's trying his best to make this day unforgettable for both of them but he knows that something might have happened and he does not know how he can accept it.

Dara halted slowly from strolling down the seashore with Donghae as she prepared herself. "Hae?!" she quietly called him but he somehow heard her. "I-i have to tell you something and I don't know what or how you are going to feel about me afterward." she once again spoke softly as she shook her head.

Donghae is now getting nervous and angry at the same time which he is trying to suppress because he loves her so much. He wants to show her that everything will be okay but he knows that that's a lie.

"H-hae, I'm so sorry!" she softly and calmly said as tears are pouring down her cheeks and she couldn't continue.

Donghae deeply gasped for he already knows what she is trying to tell him. He covered his mouth with his hand as he turned to face the wide ocean as tears started to flow. He is so full of mixed emotions right now and does not know if he can suppress them any longer. "Aaaaaah!!!...ahhhhh!!!" Donghae yelled out multiple times from the top of his lungs. Dara could only silently sob.

Silence seems to fill the air between them. They had both calmed down and are now sitting a couple of feet away from each other as they watched the sun setting down.

Donghae finally spoke up first as he cleared his throat. "Do you love him?" he said softly.

Dara was stunned for a bit but regained herself. "I-i" she cleared her throat. "I-...yes." she closed her eyes and shook her head as she whispered her answer. "But...he's in love with someone else." she immediately said as well.

Donghae immediately looked at her and in confusion. "What do you mean?" he asked firmly.

When they talked about her marriage to Jiyong she did not tell him the full story. She just said that the marriage is just a trial marriage because both mothers on both sides want them to be married. She doesn't remember telling him about Jiyong having a girlfriend on the side that she was the one he wanted to marry instead of her.

"He doesn't love me. He's in love with someone else." that is all she said.

Donghae furrowed his brows as he is starting to feel angry again. "Then why did you give yourself to him knowing that he does not love you?
Why?" he said as his voice is starting to rise.

Dara could only bow down her head as she struggled to control her sob. Donghae feeling frustrated and all struggled to calm himself down. After what seemed to be forever, he finally came closer to her and wrapped his arms around her soothing her as she eventually let out her sobs.

After a while. "Are you okay?" he calmly asked and she nodded her head. "So what is your plan now?"

It took her a while to respond. "We are still getting a divorce no matter what." she finally said.

Donghae creased his eyes in understanding and continue to look out of the ocean as darkness starts to envelop. "What are you planning then after the divorce?"

"I'm going back home. To America." she softly said. Donghae just looked at and gave her a tight lip smile.

"Then I will wait for your return," he told her.

Dara creases her eyes as she looked at him. "Look." she started but was cut off by Donghae.

"I know. But I meant what I said. I will...wait for you. Whatever decisions you make. No matter what. I will still wait for you. I will be by your side for however long you want me to be. If later on you suddenly change your mind I will accept it wholeheartedly no question asked."

"Donghae. I-i can not do that to you. You are one of the people I trust and care about the most and I don't want to ruin you." she insists on saying. Donghae only gathered her in his arms tight.