The sad crow

The sad crow-Chapter 13

Trigger warning: Self-harm, depression, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, mental disorders, abuse

Kenma went to go to his school and gave me a little hug. Kageyama and I headed to school and arrived at practice in time. As we went in we saw Tanaka and Nishinoya goofing around while putting up the net. Daichi, Sugawara, and Asaki were standing by a bench and seemed to talk about something important since they all had a serious expression. Kiyoko and Yachi were also talking while leaning to a wall. The others weren't there yet, I guess they're still in the changing room. "Good morning Hinata! Kageyama! How are you doing? Everything alright?" Sugawara was suddenly standing right in front of me. I looked into his bright, motherly eyes (Sugamama ya know) "Good morning Senpai, I'm fine". He gave me a big smile until Daichi jumped in "Good morning you two! Go change and then we'll start if Tanaka and Nishinoya have done their jobs by then". Kageyama nodded and we head to the changing room, as we opened the door we almost collapsed into Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, Yamaguchi was always a nice person but Tsukishima was always saltier and mean, but since I was in the hospital and my dad got arrested he went silent and stopped teasing me, he wasn't exactly nice to me either but he changed... Of course, it wasn't nice if he teased me and was mean but I kind of missed it. Him just laughing because he thought I looked like a little angry crow when Kageyama didn't toss to me. I miss it, I miss being that angry little crow, all I am is a sad crow now, not even that, I'm nothing. Everyone acted like what happened didn't bother them at all but I can see it, I can feel it. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi went out of the room and Yamaguchi apologized for bumping into us while Tsuki just stayed silent. Kageyama and I went into the room and a short while after Ennoshita, Kinoshita, and Narita also left. They all smiled at me but didn't say anything. As I changed I again thought about everything, how fucked up everything is and I was the reason, my fault. I want to change, I want everything to change but I can't. I must've zoomed out without noticing again because Kageyama touched my shoulder "You good? You've just been standing there". What should I answer? Should I say that I feel this way? That I wanna cut again? That I feel so worthless? Kageyama said he loves me, does he really? Will he understand? "Hinata?" I heard him say. I don't know what to say, I love him, I don't want him to worry. I looked at his worried eyes as he was waiting for me to speak "Kageyama.. You.. wouldn't understand but you know what? I love you". The black-haired setter blushed "I love you too Shoyo and even tho I may not understand, I'm always here to listen". I nodded and gave him a quick kiss on the check. We went to join the others.
They were already training. I saw Tsukishima and Yamaguchi practicing serves with Sugawara. Asahi was practicing serves. Daichi was talking to Ennoshita, Kinoshita, and Narita, looks like he's explaining something. "Oi! Hinata! Come here! I'm gonna show you and Tanaka my new super skill! And after that, I will show you too how to really receive!" Nishinoyaa screamed to me with Tanaka beside him grinning like an idiot. It has been so long since I really was training so I was happy to be invited by them. Kageyama was long gone to Asahi, they've been training a lot of serving with each other recently. I ran to Noya and Tanaka, ready to have at least a little bit of fun. "Okay okay now, Noya, show us your super mega new cool skill!" Tanaka said. The little libero seemed excited "Ok so-" he started before being interrupted.
"Hey! What are you guys doing there?!"