The sad crow

Trigger warning: Self-harm, depression, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, mental dissorders, abuse

Chapter 3

I  could baraly hear Asahis voice. The only thing I heard are all the voices that were telling me how worthless I am. "Hinata! Everything is alright, nobody is gonna hurt you! I promise!" said Asahi in a calm and relaxing voice. I have to calm down he is right! Just shut up brain! With the little control I had left in my body I looked at the ace. His eyes looked at mine and he began to breath with me. Without any notice my breathing has slowed down and the stabbing pain in my chest was hardly there. My body was completely tired and had no energy left but I wanted to talk, I wanted to tell them that I'm alright  "I-". "No.. It's ok Shoyo.. I'm sorry that I touched you..I didn't mean to trouble you.." said Sugawara while looking to the tiny spiker. "Hinata you Idiot I told you, if something is wrong tell us" interrupts Kageyama. I didn't know what to anwser. I am such a attention seeker, that is the only thing I could think while seeing how the Karasuno team looked at me with worried eyes. I counldn't even say a word cause the team captain raised his voice "Let's just end the training here today. Hinata, as Tobio said, you can talk to us. Now lets all go home and rest alright?". "Yeah Shoyo! You can talk to me you know! We are your senpais!" said Tanaka with a big smile on his face in hope to cheer me up. I hated this pity.. Why did this all happen? I was so happy.. But now? What is wrong with me? Of course I could never tell them what I thought so I gave Tanaka the best and littlest smile I could. "Yeah I'm good! I'm just gonna go home and rest!" I told them. I stood up and went my way to the changing room. The others were still talking about something. Do they talk about me? Did I embarasse myself? Am I to stupid for Volleyball? Do they hate me now? So many things were flying around my head and I was on the edge of crying again. I don't know how but I managed to hold it in and after changing and saying goodbye to everyone I made my way home.

While I was walking I heard Kageyama yell behind me "Oi! If I text you, anwser alright?" I didn't even wanted to renspond so I just noded a little and continuted my way. As I arrived home I already smelled beer and cigarretts. Is dad home again? Why? "Shoyo is that you? Come here!" screamed my dad. I walked in the living room where he was sitting on the couch with a beer in his hand. "Yes dad?" I said with a scared voice. Without a word he stood up and looked my directly in my face "You are such a brat! Your mother only left because of you! Everthing is your damn fault!" I couldn't even say anything before he punched me in my stomache. I cought and began to cry as the pain went through my body. "That's what you deserve you little piece of crap!" And while screaming he kicked my leg as hard as he could. I screamed in pain and he just walked away.  Though all the pain I couldn't move for at least 5 minutes. After the pain became less present I went up stairs to the bathroom to see if there were any bruises on my stomache or leg. I looked in the mirror and say the blue and purple bruises. The pain wasn't as bad anymore but I still cried. He is right.. It's all my fault that mom and Natsu left.. I am so useless..

I couldn't even look in the mirror anymore, all I say was an ugly and stupid boy who has no control or point in his life. It made me sick and I wanted to throw up, but I couldn't even do that because I didn't eat. I looked at the floor as tears still run down my face. In the corner of my eyes I saw a new pack of.. razor blades? With no control my hand reached them and only a few seconds later I held a silber and shiny blade in my hand.. It was so beautiful..