The sad crow

The sad crow-Chapter 14

Trigger warning: Self-harm, depression, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, mental disorders, abuse

"Hey! What are you guys doing there?!" shouted Daichi from the other side as he ran towards us, our captain suddenly grabbed my arm tight, I was a little shocked, it reminded me of how my father used to abuse me so I stepped back automatically but he still had my arm in his hand, I looked at him with questioning eyes and was waiting for an explanation

"Hinata! What are you doing? You can't train? What if you get hurt or something else happens? Don't you think it's better if you just watch the training?".

I was shocked at those words, I knew the others were worried but just as I thought I could get back a bit of hope, just as I thought for a moment that I could play again, laugh again, fly again.. Why did Daichi say this? Why did he crush the only thing I had left?

"Daichi I-" I was trying to speak my mind but Sugawara stepped in "Yeah, I think Daichi is right, it might be better to not play volleyball at the moment Hinata"

What is happening? Sugawara-Senpai too? I could feel how piece by piece my heart started breaking and how my eyes teared up, instinctively I looked around searching for Kageyama, searching for help, I could spot him training with Asahi, I think he is too concentrated to notice what's happening. I could feel a warm hand on my shoulder, it was Noya who had an angry face and it was noticeable that he had just like me enough "Are you guys serious? For real? Daichi, Sugawara.. no.. basically everyone! Are you serious?! Why are you like this to Shoyo, I get you all are worried, so am I, but I think Shoyo himself knows what's good for him and what not! Don't act like he's a baby god damn, we all know how much volleyball means to him, so why crush it? Don't you see his eyes, he had enough of being treated like he needs pity.. Isn't that right Shoyo?"

I again was shocked, Nishinoya-Senpai just spoke my mind, it feels.. I feel so relieved that he understands me, finally someone who at least understands a bit. I know everyone was waiting for my opinion so I said what I could "I- Thank you Nishinoya-Senpai, thank you for understanding.. Daichi-Senpai, Sugawara-Senpai, I know you are worried but please, playing volleyball really cheers me up you know?.. I don't want to be rude but please.. let me play again!" and with those words, I made a big bow and a single tear rolled down my pale cheeks. I looked at Daichi and Suga again and they seemed to be filled with regret "I'm sorry Hinata we didn't mean to hurt you.. You can play but don't strain yourself all right?" Sugawara said in an apologetic tone and Daichi nodded. My eyes wandered to Kageyama again, I think he noticed the situation but also noticed that I had it under control.

I let out a small smile and the seniors returned to practicing themselves. I turned around and gave Noya a hug, for the most part, I didn't like touch that much but I was so thankful that I just needed to hug him.

The rest of the training time just flew by, Nishinoya showed me and Tanaka his new skill with the name "Super duper rolling bomb", the name's a bit extravagant but sounds like something Noya would come up with, tho Tanaka laughed 20 minutes about it, my other teammates seemed to be in their own little bubbles, I knew that that was also a thing that was cause of me somehow but I did my best to ignore it and just focused on the fun I was having with Noya and Tanaka, it was the best thing that happened to me in months, I was happy in a way.