The sad crow

Chapter 18

Trigger warning: Self-harm, depression, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, mental disorders, abuse

My mind is so full, yet so empty. Die.. I should just die!
My knee was still hurting from the fall but that doesn't bother me a single bit.
Around me were a few houses but it was still pitch black.

So I stood up and slowly made my way to a window while there was still blood dripping down my leg. I looked at my pitiful expression in a near window, I just can't even stand my damn face anymore! And so I almost automatically punched, I punched the window and it all shattered into pieces, I wasn't sure if what I'm doing is smart but at that moment I really couldn't think. I picked up a big glass piece and looked at it, thinking about what to do next.

I held the sharp glass to my wrist, tears, and rain dropping down..

I miss my mom, I miss my friends, I miss my old body, I miss volleyball, I miss joking around and laughing without a single doubt in my mind,
I miss my old life, the old me.
I just want to be free.

"Hinata!"
I turned around to see Kageyama suddenly standing a few meters away.

"Hinata.. Please don't! Look, I'm sorry for everything alright?"

"There's nothing to be sorry for Kageyama.."

"Darling, I'm begging you, don't kill yourself! What would it help huh?"

"WHAT DO YOU KNOW KAGEYAMA, I CAN'T ANYMORE, DON'T YOU GET THAT?"

"WHAT I KNOW? I KNOW YOU! YOU LIKE VOLLEYBALL! YOU LIKE YOUR FRIENDS! DO YOU WANT TO GIVE THAT UP YOU IDIOT?!"
"Everything is different now.. I can't go on like this.."

"So you wanna give all that up??.. You want to give me up?"

I slowly raise my head to let Kageyama and my eyes meet, he's crying.
"I FUCKING LOVE YOU HINATA! DON'T YOU DARE JUST GIVE THAT UP!"

And with that sentence I drop to the floor, moving the glass shard away from my wrist.  As soon as I do, the black-haired boy comes storming to me and immediately hugs me.

"Hinata you idiot, I love you so dam much.." he said with a shaky voice.I wanted to say it back, I really wanted to, but all I could do at that moment was cry, Kageyama hold me tight as I cried and cried while the rain still was falling from the night sky.