The sad crow

The sad crow-chapter 11

Trigger warning: Self-harm, depression, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, mental dissorders, abuse

I told them everything from beginning to the end. How my father beat me up and screamed, how my mother and Natsu left, how I was tired of everything. I didn't expect it but they really listened and promised I'll never have to see my dad again. I was glad, I was glad that I was finally free from him but still, my dark thoughts and all those bad voices in my head stayed, my father was taken into jail but this endless pain stayed. Why did it stay? I knew I wouldn't be hit again but all the weight on my shoulders was barely lifted.

After I rested up in the hospital we decided it would be best if I would stay with someone familiar, so I ended up staying with Kageyama for the time being. After he confessed his love for me we didn't really have a conversation about it yet but I was sure that after time would pass we eventually would talk about it. As I started to live with the black haired setter there were a few things I got used to, for example would people from the team or Kenma stay over, a lot of friends called everyday checking how I'm doing, there also was this thing that Kageyama and others started to do, every morning/day they would check my arms if I had hurt myself in any way. I got so much attention from everyone and I didn't like that at all. I was still feeling bad, I was still sad, I still had bad thoughts, I still felt alone in this miserable world even with everyone around. I still couldn't sleep or eat well and it seemed like it was getting worse and worse. After the whole hospital thing I started to see a therapist some time too and I even got some medication against my depression, Anxiety, Insomnia and so on.

Kageyama and others often made sure I was taking them regularly and didn't skip or take too many. I had to take a break from volleyball, which made everything more depressing than it already was, I was still watching my team practice everyday but it just wasn't the same, it felt like they were always watching me, all my friends, my teachers, all eyes were on me and I despised it. I was so done with this life, this society, I was so done dealing with all this.