The sad crow

The sad crow-Chapter 6

Trigger warning: Self-harm, depression, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, mental dissorders, abuse

I walked to the bathroom as fast as I could and left the others behind. They just dont understand and I'll surly not tell them. I opend the door to the toilette and went inside. I walked to the sink and just looked at myself in the mirror. I look disgusting.. It makes me wanna throw up.

Why god? Why does this all happen? I want my old life! I want to be happy! Please let me be happy again.. Or am I just not build for this world? Maybe I dont deserve to be happy and thats why it all happens?.. Tears began to fill my eyes and I stared at the floor. I hate me! I hate my life! I wanted to scream out of pain as I was crying alone. I looked at my wrist and cried even harder while seeing what I did to myself. I knew that it was wrong but I rememberd the good feelilng while I did it and to be honest I didn't regret it at all in that moment.

Suddenly I heard the door open and someone came in. I coverd my arms as the person saw me. It was Kageyama that was just staring at me. Did he saw my arms? Shit.. I just thought about him findin out that I forgot that I was still crying. "Why are you crying? I thought nothing was wrong? But that was obviously a lie.. Please talk to me.. You know.. I dont really show it but you are important to me and you are special.. I may sound stupid but I beg you, talk to me Hinata" He said while looking me in the eyes. What? Important? I'm not important.. "...I-... I cant tell you.. I cant tell anyone! I'm so sorry.. I'm a failure.. and a mistake.. dad was right" What the hell am I saying?! I didn't wanted to tell anyone! My mouth just acted itself. I wonder what Kageyama is thinking right now. Does he think that I'm stupid? I bet he is. "I understand Hinata.. Just tell me when you think is the right time ok? Please.. just don't do something stupid you baka. Suga is worried sick and the others are too. You little shit.." I couldn't even react before Kageyama moved towards me. He stood right in front of me as he bends over and kisses my forehead and pets my hair. What is happenig right now? I was unable to say anything and just blushed as he pulled away and left. A kiss? But.. dont people just kiss people they love? Does Kageyama love me?! I could feel how my face went all red.

Of course I was really glad that he didn't see my arms.. Now I have even more to think about that I have right now. I went back to the gym and didn't have any conversations to the team for the whole day. It felt akward.. I hated that feeling. After the training I quickly changed and left with just a quick bye. As I made my way home my phone vibrated and I saw a message from Kenma.

"Don't forget that we'll hang out today! Kuroo and Lev are coming too. We'll be waiting for you at my place. Don't be late!"

Oh right. I wanted to hang out with Kenma and the others today.. I don't want to but I'll guess I have to. I continued my way home, dad will not be home at a time like this. As I know him he is drinking somewhere and doesn't even have me on his mind. I have no idea how to pay the next rent and he has nothing better to do than drink alcohol and have fun. After I was home I took I quick shower and as I was rubbing my hair dry with a towel I noticed how the razor blades where still there..

(Sorry for bad spelling! See you in the next chapter! :D)