The sad crow

Trigger warning: Self-harm, depression, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, mental dissorders, abuse

Thoughts will be written like this: Hello

Chapter 2

Kageyamas mind:

Kageyamas alarm rings as usual in the morning. He slowly wakes up and goes to the bathroom. While brushing his teeth his mind is full of stuff. I'll have to talk to Hinata today.. I wonder if he tells me whats wrong? I really hope so, I hate to admit it but I'm seriously worried about the little tangerine. After putting on his uniform he begins his way to school. The lessons are passing by and the setter walks his way to volleyball practice and on the way he spots Hinata who looks more depressed than before. "Oi Hinata! Wait for me I have to talk to you!" yells the black haired teenager to his friend. Hinata stops walking and looks at Kageyama "Oh hey.. W-What do you wanna talk about Kageyama?".

Hinats mind:

I hope he doesn't ask about how I look.. After all I stopped changing clothes with the team because I'm ugly.. I'm so ashamed of myself. "You seem really tired and sad lately..I wanted to ask if everything is ok? You know if something if wrong you can talk to me and the team." says Kageyama with a calm but worried voice. Hinata stares at his team mate without knowing what to anwser. Should I tell him the truth? No! I can't tell anyone it is my fault! I'm so pathetic..  "O-Oh..No! Everything is alright just.. tired!". Even I think that sounds so fake.. Hopefully he drops it!

Of course the smart setter knows it's a lie but just accepts the answer,"If you say so..". They both continue the way to the gym and do not have another conversation. As they open the door Tanaka, Nishinoya, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi are already dressed and prepare everything for the training. "Hinata! Look how your favourite Senpais work hard!" says Nishinoya while Tanaka is also looking at Shoyo. "Uh yeah!" speaks Hinata with a visible fake smile on the face. Tsukishima's eyes are pointed at Hinata and with a rude voice he speaks up, "Just get dressed you two". After Tsukishimas sentence Yamaguchi interferences,"Tsuki! Don't be mean to them ok?". Tsukishima looks away and just nods his head. Maybe the team would be better without me.. What if I just make everthing worst if I'm here?  "Hinata Boke come on!" I didn't even realize that I zoomed out. "Coming!". Both boy went to the changing room and Kageyama started undressing as Hinata just started at his volleyball uniform. "Oi! Why are you not changing?" the setter asked. Oh frick! If I don't wanna look suspicious I have to change! Shoyo looks to Kageyama who waits for an anwser. The orange haired boy signs and begins to undress. Ugh I feel like he is staring at me.. I don't like it..

Hinatas perspectiv:

I didn't like undressing but I knew I'd have to. "I'm ready" I said with my eyes on Kageyama who has waited for me. Without any words he started to walk towards the door. The other team members were already waiting for us. Suga had a big smile on his face and began to speak, "Is everone here? Then let's begin!".

After an hour of practice I began to feel how my body looses its energy. I knew it would happen..I don't sleep well I don't eat much and I'm stressed. My legs won't even jump high enough for a spike. "Hinata? You ok?" I looked at the person who just asked. It was Nishinoya with Suga behind him. "Ah yes!" I said while being out of breath. Daichi jumped in and Kageyama also walks towards me. "Hinata, you can't play in this condition..The coaches aren't here today so I'm responsible and I don't want anything to happen" says Daichi with a really serious voice. "Yeah Hinata I noticed that you can't take my balls like you normally would." says Kageyama. I look around and realize how everyone stares at me. I hate that feeling. That pityful feeling.

"NO! I said I'm fine!" I didn't wanted to argue with them. Why is everyone staring? Do they think I'm crazy? Am I? Am I rude? Fuck.. I'm such a mistake dad was right.. I hate me. Tears began to roll out of my eyes and I just stare at the floor. At this point Asahi, Tanaka and the others walked towords me. Suga looks the team in the eyes and they put his eyes back at me and my tears.

"Hinata.." he began and lays his arm on my shoulder. Without one thought in my mind I automaticly scream "NO! DON'T TOUCH ME!". Suga immediately puts his arm away and I start to feel uneasy. My breathing starts to go faster and a pain is in my chest. Countless thoughts began to cross my mind with no control. It was to much, I couldn't handle everything and sank to the floor. I was on my knees with my hand around my head in hope these voices would go away.

Asahi, who was quite for the whole time stepped forword and began to tell me "You have to breath hinata! I know it's hard but you have to breath ok?".