The sad crow

The sad crow-Chapter 4

Trigger warning: Self-harm, depression, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, mental dissorders, abuse

Chapter 4

This blade.. What was so special about it? My head was so full of thoughts but this little thing in my hand cleared them all. It was like my hand automatically moved to the wrist of my other arm. I took a deep breath and put a little pressure on the razor, a small red line apeard on my wrist. It was a little painful but I liked it.. It gave me a feeling of control, this was the only thing I could control. It wasn't a happy situation but I smiled, it was the first real smile in a long time. I wanted to feel that more so I moved the blade a little lower and pressed it down again but this time I put more strengh into it. Another red line started to show and blood flowed down my arm. It made me so happy, I love this.. More! More! I need more! In total I left 7 marks before I was setisfied.

I was feeling good at first but as I put bandages around it to stop the bleeding a little I thought about the team and how they would react if they knew about dad and the cuts.. Just thinking about was a pain. After everything was finished I went to my room to rest. I layed in my bed as i noticed that my phone rang. I picked it up and saw that Kageyama texted me. I didn't wanted to talk to him but I also didn't wanted him to worry either so went to messeger app and chated with him.

This is the text conversation:

Kageyama: Hey Hinata! I know I asked you already today.. But are you sure youre ok?   I noticed that you didn't eat any lunch at school so I was worried. Please respond.

Hinata: Yeah. I'm sure I'm ok yo don't have to worry. And for the lunch.. I just wasn't hungry that's all.

Kageyama: I didn't wanted to say it at school but I don't believe you at all! I'm sure youre hiding something! I'm still worried.. Can you promise me something?

Hinata: I'm really ok but sure.. What is it?

Kageyama: Can you promise me to talk to me if somethings happening? You can call me any time!

Hinata: Yeah ok. I promise.

Kageyama: Thanks! See you tomorrow at practice!

Hinata: Yeah. bye.

Back to real life:

Kageyama is really worried about me.. But even if I wanted to talk to him, he would hate me for sure. But I think it's really cute of him.. Wait what? Did I really think he was cute?? Ugh whatever.. It was already pretty late I just went to sleep and woke up the next to my alarm. I really hate mornings it's always so hard to get out of bed. After I stood up I went my way to the bathroom to get ready. I put new bandages on the cuts and then got dressed in my uniform. I grabed my bike and went to school with a bad feeling about the volleyball practice after school. I just can't let them know.. Never..