'Cause I mean this more than words could ever say

Chapter 3

Wednesday. Mikey and I spent the whole Tuesday cuddling and sleeping. I guess we both didn't get too much sleep the night before. "Frank?" I hear my boyfriend say and I open my eyes. He's standing next to the bed wearing a white shirt and a denim jacket and some strands of his blonde hair are covering parts of his eyes. God he's so pretty. "Good Morning!" he whispers and bends down to give me a kiss on the cheek which makes me smile. "Come on, we'll get some breakfast!" We're going out? Hm, whatever makes him happy. I get up and put on some clothes, perfume and finally apply some red eyeshadow under my eyes. I look at my reflection and smile a little. I didn't look this good in a while. I look at the ring Mikey gave me for our anniversary yesterday. Fuck! The present! I run out of the bathroom. "Mikey!" I yell as soon as I reach the bedroom door. Mikey looks at me from head to toe. "Why so much effort Frankie?" He looks confused. "That's not the point! I forgot to give you your present yesterday!" He starts to smile. "Oh! Right! Ehm..." he stutters. "One second!" I run back into the bedroom and open my closet. I pick up a glittery bass which was hidden under some clothes and tell my boyfriend to close his eyes. I enter the living room holding the bass in my hands.
"Aaaand you can look!" He opens his eyes and just a second later, his mouth as well. "Frankie!" He yells and quickly moves towards me. "You can't be serious!" He takes the bass out of my hands and looks at it with pure happiness in his eyes and a smile on his lips. "Of course it is!" I'm smiling as well. I love seeing him like that. He looks like a happy child again. He puts the bass on the couch and wraps his arms around me. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" He's a lot taller than me and I feel safe in his arms, like there's nothing more protective.
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We're sitting at a table outside a cafe with two cups of hot coffee and some croissants.
A young man with brown long hair comes outside and stops at our table. "Can I get anything else for you?" He smiles. "No thank you we'd already like to pay." I smile back at him. "Okay I'll be right back." He turns around and leaves. When I look back at Mikey he looks angry. "Is everything alright?" I ask worriedly. "Why did you smile at him like that?" His voice is super serious again. "What?" I'm confused but in that moment the waiter comes back with the invoice. "That would be $8,89 please." He says in a friendly voice and I start grabbing for my wallet. I hand the waiter $12. "Keep the change! You don't get paid too well here don't you?" I sound like a mother but I know how hard it is to work as a waiter and how bad the wages are. "That's so kind of you, thank you! Have a nice day!" He smiles and leaves. When I turn back to Mikey I notice that he already got up and put on his jacket. "Come on." He says and walks away towards the street. I quickly put on my jacket and run after him. He doesn't say another word. Not a single one. Not until we arrive at our apartment. I walk into the hallway and take off my jacket and my shoes. When I turn around I notice that Mikey hasn't moved since we arrived. He has a serious look on his face. "What was that?" He asks and I know that there's anger growing inside of him. "What?" I'm confused again. "You're acting weird Mikes!" I laugh and turn back around to go into the living room. "I'm acting weird?" He yells so loud that I flinch. "Did I flirt with that little whore of a waiter?" Flirt? What is he talking about? "You are a slut Frank Iero!" He reaches for a book that's lying on a cabinet next to the door and throws it through the hallway. It hits my shoulder and I stumble back a few steps. Mikey comes closer. He pushes me. "Mikey!" He pushes me again. "What!" He yells and grabs the collar of my shirt. "What Frank? What!" He looks angrier than ever. He breathes heavily again. He looks down at me and moments later, I feel a fist hitting my stomach. I immediately fall to the ground, both arms around my stomach. He kicks me.
"You are mine Frankie!" He kicks me again.
"I just wanted to be kind!" He doesn't listen.
"I should be the only one for you but you flirt wherever you can!" He pulls me up and hits me. "Mikey! Please!" I'm out of breath. I can't see. Mikey's breath gets weaker. I'm sobbing. "You don't think the waiter was attractive, do you?" He asks under his breath. "What? Of course not! He was super young and not my type at all! And even if he was, no one is as beautiful as you!" I'm still sobbing and Mikey lets go of me again. "Oh Frankie!" He cries and pulls me into his arms. "I'm so sorry! I'm so fucking sorry! I don't know what got into me! Please forgive me! I didn't mean to say these things! You're not a slut! I'm so sorry! I can't believe I did that! I'm sorry Frankie!" My body hurts more than ever. "It's okay. I love you Mikes! I love you... It's okay..." I found my breath again but breathing hurts.
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My phone rings. I've got a message. I never get messages. I reach for my phone which lies on the table a few metres away. I see Mikey's look landing on my phone but he doesn't move so I grab it and read the message. It's from Gee. I reply with a quick "Okay see you on Friday -Frank x" and look at Mikey who has a very sceptical look on his face. "Who was that?" He asks not less sceptical. "Oh just Gee, he says that they reserved a table for 6:45pm on Friday that's it." I say apathetic and put my phone back on the table. "But why does he message you?" The scepticism doesn't leave his face or his voice. "I don't know he's my best friend, he probably didn't care if he'd message me or you, it'll reach us both anyways so." I don't know why he acts like that again. Gee has been my best friend for fourteen years! Of course we're quite close after he's been with me during my fist panic attack, after he helped me when my parents threw me out, and after he even brought me to the hospital after my first suicide attempt basically saving my life. Now Mikey's the one who's reaching for my phone. "Why the x?" He asks angrily. "What?" I can't avoid a little laugher. "The x. That's a kiss in text messages isn't it?" He now looks at me with anger and tears in his eyes. What's going on with him? Why did he change so much in the last few weeks? He never hurt me before! He's always been jealous and he got angry when I acted weird around another guy, but that's obviously my fault! If something seems like flirting to him, then it's already too much! I'm the one who should feel bad, he's completely right about that, but his jealousy seems to take over him. "What? I don't even know, it's just what you send to your friends, it doesn't mean that I wanna kiss him or anything, it's like you'd tell your best friend that you love him, it means something to you and means you're close but it obviously has a complete different meaning when you tell me that you love me!" Does this little letter actually mean so much to people? I love Gee and I love Ray but I obviously love Mikey in a complete different way but how should I show Mikey that I do love him when he already feels like I would leave him? He's everything to me! And he's hurting! That's obvious! But why should he be this jealous? We used to hang out with Gee and Ray just like that. He seemed to know that I wouldn't leave him for anyone back then...