'Cause I mean this more than words could ever say

Chapter 6

We're lying on the couch in our living room. One of Mikey's arms is wrapped around me and he's holding my hand while his other hand is stroking my head which is lying on his chest. I can hear his heartbeat. I'm now wearing a white shirt with a high collar to hide the bruises around my neck. The door bell rings and I get up. "That must be your brother!" I smile down at Mikey who's still lying on the couch with a little smile on his lips. I offer him a hand and help him up. I press the button to open the door downstairs and already open the door to our apartment. I look out into the stairwell and just a few seconds later, I can see a tall, pale man with short black hair and another man with very curly, brown hair. I can't stop myself from smiling. I look at Mikey. He's smiling as well, if not as bright as me. "Heyyyyy!" I hear Gerard say as soon as they reach one of the last stairs. He opens his arms and gives me a warm hug. "Hey how's it going man?" Ray is hugging Mikey who now looks just as happy as me. After a total of ten seconds, Gerard lets go of me to hug his brother. "Hello little brother!" Gerard looks so happy. I love his smile. To be honest, that made me crush for him a little when I was thirteen. Of course that's all gone by now but his smile still got it's charm. Ray's the one who's hugging me now. "God Frank we've missed you!" He puts his arm around my shoulders and I can feel Mikey's eyes on me. I close the door and we walk down the hallway. "Show us your palace Frankie!" Gerard is wearing a black shirt and a grey denim jacket, together with a black skinny jeans and, of course, some black converse. He looks around and whistles. "Wooow you did make this place a home!" He says while he enters the kitchen. Him and Ray are looking at the photos that are hanging on the walls. "Christ you could've chosen any photo but not that one! I look horrible!" Ray says while looking at a picture of us that was taken at my fifteenth birthday. "But I look so gooood!" He pushes me a little and I have to laugh even more. I missed that. Words cannot describe how happy this makes me. Mikey is standing right behind me as he wraps his arms around me. "I love you." He whispers into my ear and I get goosebumps all over my body. I turn around and look up into his face. I give him a kiss. "You guys are soooo romantic! God how long have you been together?" Ray is smiling. "Two years now!" Mikey says smiling at Ray. I put my hands on his waist and lean my head against his chest. He puts his arms around me and strokes my head again. I finally feel warm around him again. Safe. "Okay now come on we gotta go." Gerard, still smiling, leaves the kitchen and we follow him.
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Gerard's POV:
"Hello, Way, I reserved a table, four people." I say, smiling at the waitress that asked for my name. "Of course, follow me!" She says smiling at me. My heart is racing. I'm not too good at talking to strangers, and now Frank is here, which is not making it easier for me. He looks different. Skinnier. But maybe that's just my imagination, I haven't seen him in a month, I can't expect to remember every detail. We sit down at a table in a corner of the restaurant. Ray and I are sitting next to each other and I can look right into Frank's green eyes.
"Okay wait, how long has it been since we've seen you two?" Ray asks and distracts me from staring at Frank. Luckily because Mikey is already looking a bit sceptical. I'm bad at hiding crushes, I know that, even though I had the same crush for more than ten years now. And it hurts. Well it doesn't hurt too much anymore, but it did hurt when I was younger. Have you ever had a crush on your best friend? Or even worse, your best friend, who's your brother's boyfriend? I know I could've said something years ago, but I was scared okay? I know Frank since I was twelve and I couldn't risk it back then. What if he'd rejected me? I couldn't change the way I was feeling about him, or the way I am feeling about him, but I can be his friend. "Oh man, I think we saw each other like a week after Gee's birthday, am I right?" He is right. And that was over a month ago. Mikey didn't really have the time to come over cause he was too busy practicing with this dude named Bob. I never really liked Bob. Mikey introduced him to us a few months ago. He has this angry look on his face which makes me feel super uncomfortable. We only hung out with him a few times but I know he doesn't like me either. To be honest, it would annoy me to know that my boyfriend is hanging out with another guy like three times a week, leaving me behind even though he knows I can't get anywhere without a license.
"Yeah right, twenty six, wow Gee you're getting old!" Mikey laughs. "Hey! You're also gonna be twenty six one day and that day is coming closer and closer!" He laughs even more. "Yeeees! My baby is gonna be twenty five in exactly 118 days!" Frank smiles at Mikey. It still hurts seeing Mikey next to him instead of myself. But that's just how it is, he deserves to be happy. I always got everything from our parents, while he was called 'the disappointment of the family' for literally no reason. They broke him. I love my brother and I never gave up on him. And I never will. Well, I still suffered from depression for years and some days are still quite hard for me, but I have Ray. He's been my best friend since I was eight. He's always been there for me. So was Frank of course, but since he moved out, Ray's been something like a therapist to me. I'm sure he knows about my feelings for Frank, but he knows that I also love Mikey too much to change anything about my situation so he just doesn't say anything about it. Frank gives Mikey a kiss. For some reason, it makes me happy. Mikey is smiling brightly and so is Frank. That means so much to me. I start smiling and look at Frank.
No. God no.
My smile fades as I look at Franks forearm. He's wearing a white shirt and through the sleeve, I can see red lines.
No.
Why would he do that? I thought he stopped! I thought he was happy! He must've seen the look on my face cause he looks worried. "Mikes, could you let me through? I gotta go to the bathroom." He's talking very fast. Mikey nods and moves a little. Frank quickly leaves the table and walks towards the bathroom. I need to talk to him. "Me too." I say quickly and leave as well, almost running after Frank. I open the door to find him standing in front of one of the mirrors. He's crying quietly. He turns around as he notices my reflection in the mirror. "Get out!" He says loudly. "Frank." I try to keep my voice calm. "Talk to me." I slowly get closer. His eyes are red and he's gasping for breath. He looks down at his feet. I carefully take his forearm, open the stud on his sleeve and roll it up a little to find a bunch of old and new cuts. I have to look away for a second. It hurts me so much and I already feel tears filling my eyes. I blink a few times and look back at Frank's forearm. "Frankie..." I whisper. "I'm so sorry." His voice tells me that he's crying even worse. "Look at me." I command and he does what I say, but just a second later, my heart skips a beat as I notice something on his neck. He looks confused. "What is that?" I'm whispering again and my hand moves to his neck. He immediately pulls his head away and takes a few steps back. "The fuck Gee?" He sounds angry but I don't care. "Frank what is that?" My voice gets louder and I quickly open one of the studs on his shirt and pull the collar away to get a closer look at his neck. It's full of bruises. "What happened?" He doesn't say anything. This time, the tears leave my eyes and run down my face. My heart just broke into a thousand pieces. "Who did that?" He still doesn't say a word. "Was it Mikey?" I ask quietly. His eyes meet mine and I can see the answer in them. More tears are running down my face. Why would he do something like that? "Did he do anything else Frankie?" I ask worriedly but in that moment, Mikey enters the bathroom.