'Cause I mean this more than words could ever say

Chapter 12

We're almost done eating as Ray enters the kitchen. "Morning." Ray walks around the table to hug Frank. "Hey, sorry for all the shit yesterday." He says while he sits down and takes a pancake. "It's okay..." I give him a worried look and stroke the back of his hand with my thumb. Ray's eyes land on my hand and he laughs a little. "Honestly, it really seemed like you two would never be honest with each other." He smiles brightly and I look at Frank who's laughing quietly and then look back at Ray. "But could you be a bit more quiet the next time? Others are trying to sleep at night." I immediately look back at Frank who stopped laughing and widened his eyes in shock. He blushes just as fast as I do.
"Wait when did you come home last night?"
I ask still shocked and quite embarrassed.
"Too early I guess." He just shrugs and looks down at his plate like nothing happened. When he looks up and notices the shock on our faces, he bursts out laughing. "It's not like I had to listen or anything, I just put headphones in, but it would be nice if I wouldn't have to, that's it." He says after he calmed down a bit. Frank swallows loudly, his face is still red but he gets up and takes his plate. "I- I'll take a shower." He puts the plate away and quickly leaves the kitchen. Ray is smirking at me and I feel even more embarrassed. "What?" I ask after a minute when I finally found my voice again. "I'm happy for you." He gets up smiling and leaves as well.
__________________________

"Fuck!" Frank just died again. He convinced me and Ray to play his favourite video game with him so we can all yell together, but Frank is still yelling way louder. "I hate this game!" He won't ever be able to decide if he loves or hates it, but I think video games need to make you feel both. The phone rings and I pause the game to answer which makes Frank groan angrily before he falls back into the pillows on the couch to stare at the ceiling. "Way?" I look at Ray who's laughing at the frustrated Frank. My smile fades quite quickly during the conversation and Frank straightened up to look at me, he looks worried and when I hang up he immediately asks what's wrong. I love him. I sit down next to him and Ray and swallow before I can talk. "Mikey's case will be read out in two weeks..." I whisper and Frank's eyes get wider. "What? But there should be more time! Why-" I already know all the answers so I interrupt him. "Bob confessed, but testified against him, not just about the drug thing, he knew about- about you Frank..." Frank is about to cry now and I feel horrible. "I know you didn't want to get him into more trouble, but you don't have a choice now, they want you as a witness in the courtroom, he's now charged for mayhem and possession and sale of illegal drugs. We can't get him out of this just like that anymore. And yes I know he's my brother but we can't just ignore everything just because he's related to me!" Ray put his arm around Frank who's crying quietly. "I'm sorry Frank..." He swallows.
"This is my fault..." He whispers after a moment of silence and I feel even worse.
"No! Frank! We didn't really know Bob and obviously he's the one who caused all of this!"
I pull him closer and he starts sobbing now.
"I took your brother away! I'm a monster!" My heart breaks as he says these words. Even if Mikey will go to prison, he's still my brother and I will always love him. He's been through a lot of shit, but I just know that he'll get his life together at some point. I just want to show him that he won't lose me or Frank, that's what I'm actually scared of, that he might think he'll be alone now. I know Frank won't drop him just like that, they were together for two years and Frank's heart is too big to let him down, even after what he's done. "No Frank..." I'm stroking his back to make him calm down but he's still sobbing. "Can't you- can't you call someone? Someone who can help him!" I shake my head. "I already called our lawyer, that's all I can do for now, you know I'd do more if I could Frankie..." I give him a kiss on his head and he puts his head on my chest. He's been through a lot recently and still wants to help him.
"Frank, we'll move." He looks confused.
"What?" Him and Ray say at the same time.
"I don't want to be around all this anymore and I don't want you to be." I didn't even think about this but speaking it out loud feels right.
___________________________